Massive and un-restrained title change was necessary

I didn't have a great day. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either.
It started off with me driving to the airport to pick up Amanda, who had just gotten in from Philedelphia. They had lost her luggage, so she had to have them send it to the dorms...
She took me to taste of india as thanks (best thanks, ever.) and I stuffed myself silly on Indian food.

And here's where my day went bad. "How?" you may be thinking to yourself, sitting in your computer chair and peering at my white type on the black screen. How, you ask?
That lunch affected everything else. well, actually... yeah it was the lunch.

First off, and this really was the problem, is I should have taken a nap. I was wicked tired after that huge lunch, and my reaction was to decide to go to James' aprtment and play settlers.

The second mistake was getting into a foolish and DUMB argument with Erin (something I tend to do a lot) on my tired brain and my groaning (not growling) stomach.

Then there was Raymond. I hope we've already dealt with this, and I would like to let you know, Raymond, that I am not trying to use my blogger as a weapon. I am trying to record my damn day.

after leaving james' apartment, I tried to tell raymond something had made me mad and he went off on how dramatic I am.
Yes. I am dramatic. In fact, I could honestly say that I am easily in the top five most dramatic people in this dorm. Two of the other four would have to be RAYMOND (everyone agrees, hands down.) and Pamela. then maybe one of the Amandas. I haven't thought up fifth yet.
However, when I try to say "____ upset me/ hurt me," I am not being dramatic. I am being serious. before I post more on this topic I want to speak to raymond about it so I cannot be accused of stabbing anyone (thanks to both erin and sarah this has actually become an issue, even though this is only my own personal site. the problem is, and i agree with both of them, is that the people who read this site might have been mentioned somewhere, and It's easier if no one thinks I am trying to stab.).

Then there was the advent workshop. it was pretty fun. I made the most kickass paper crane ever, one that could probably kill bruce lee with a single papercut!
but... I somehow managed to screw up there, too.

I am getting so tired of messing someones nest up no matter what I do. If I try to make myself happy, someone gets pissed. If I try to clean my room, someone gets pissed. If I try to tell people how I'm feeling, they get pissed. I try to be honest, pissed. I try to reassure someone and then they get pissed. you can see where this is going.

You may just be sitting there thinking, "Oh, it's just erik, he's such a drama queen!"
But, let's look at the statistics.

1) I let people take advantage of me constantly, and then when I don't want to be taken advantage of, they get upset. I actually am not talking about any one specific person.
2) of the... ten odd women in my life, over half are otherwise occupied, one wants no commitments, and the rest are too young to consider.

I will say, however, that I don't particularly want to date any of them. That doesn't mean it isn't upsetting- It is, because there isn't anyone that I WOULD want to date (at all and out of the group of cool ones) that I have found.

3) Out of the people I have to live with, I can't get along with two at all.

4) My car thinks I abuse it, and refuses to behave.

5) I had to explain to Jeff how to pop a zit today...

6) I have only tommorow (today, considering the time) to tell the housing people I am not going to be here next year.

7)I want to go to Mangum tommorow (and won't be able to)

8) I'm almost out of potato soup, period, and I have no food money left at OU at all (3 meals...)

9) I can't run away and shirk all my responsibilities,

10) people give me advice I REALLY don't like but wonder about,

and 11) I just realized I have no cups in my room.

Okay. so I was really digging for that last one... and maybe that one about jeff, too. hell. I don't know.



People should only make big decisions when they understand the consequences- completely.

brandon decided to make himself a blog... thanks to me!! i'm trying t get as many as possible.

My mom cooked her famous potato soup for the reunion. It's the best potato soup I've ever had; it makes the Olive Garden look like a 6X6 square of dirt.

I read a really depressing blog... written by a girl I don't know. They're really depressed and think they should die. They didn't have any contact button, which dissapointed me, because I wanted a way to contact them or something.

I mean, I've been there- I've been depressed and almost suicidal, and I've felt worthless... and pointless. I just wish I could reach out to her and say hey, You're worth something, everyone is. But it won't help... at least it probably won't. It made me feel a little better to know that there were people out there who felt like me; but no one else could change the way I felt; only I could.

Whispering shadows
The crack of the midnight air
the streetlight stalks me

I got the gloves- I'll have to have them altered on monday... I also ordered a black ice zippo- really really shiny black. it's scratchproof, rustproof, waterproof, windproof, and mostly indestructible. refillable, and reusable (indefinetly) so I'd say it was worth my twenty.


man. I have a family reunion tommorw. how ridiculous. well, i'm out.

I get to go to OKC tommorow (later today) with my mom and eat at some mongolian barbeque- and then we're going to go shopping for some gloves for me!
As some of you may know, I am missing most of my right thumb. this makes getting a pair of gloves difficult (and probably expensive, too) so I am going to get one or two pairs that I can try to keep a life time.
Ideally, I want a pair of black leather gloves, but we'll see. then I can take them to an alteration shop and have them changed around!

I wouldn't really need them at all... but.... my snakebite is acting up- when the weather's cold it get's ridiculously frigid, and you gotta keep the stump warm!

I think at least sometimes I am going to wear only one of the gloves- the right one, of course. people will be like, "why is he wearing only one glove? what??? what's wrong with his... holy shit. I DON'T want to mess with him.!"

okay, so maybe not exactly that. but it'll be funny. and people will try REALLY hard not to show that they are looking. I love it when people do that.

I think I am going to go down to the mall tommorow, too, and see if I can't get a black steel zippo. why? I have no idea. want a nice lighter, i suppose.
and some nice pipes, even though I am not going to smoke much at all....?

weird weird me!

I'm back to my rant on people who hate on SUV's. This was posted on a forum.

"WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The number of people killed in sport utility rollover crashes rose 14 percent last year as total highway deaths hit a 12-year high at nearly 43,000, the U.S. government reported on Thursday."

This statistic looks a little alarming, until you read these two, about alcohol and seatbelts.

"Alcohol-related fatalities remained unchanged at 41 percent of the total, or 17,419. And nearly 60 percent of the 42,815 people killed in auto crashes last year were not wearing seat belts... SUV rollover fatalities jumped to more than 2,400 victims, an increase of 14 percent, the government said. Sixty-one percent of all SUV fatalities involved rollovers."

allright. so ALMOST half of all deaths on the road have to do with drunk drivers- and OVER half of the fatalities are because people aren't wearing their seatbelts. So you have pretty good odds of rolling over an SUV while you're drunk and you're not wearing your seatbelt. great.
If you're drunk- you're going to do something stupid. I believe that if less people drove drunk and MORE people wore their seatbelts, deaths in all cars would drop alot.
If you're driving down the highway at 60 miles an hour and you make a sharp turn, you're going to flip your SUV. that simple. that SIMPLE.

Now. I agree with the above statistics and have offered counters/reasons for them.
let's see what the people at the forum had to say.
The first thing I noticed is that EVERYONE who filled out the poll on the top drove a sedan or "other." No one had an SUV or a truck. so this is a completely biased pool, which Is why I am disagreeing with it in the first place.

"so I don't "need" 4X4. I really enjoy DRIVING, and SUVs handle like s*#t. I'd rather be able to take an off-ramp in my car doing 60-70 than knowing I can hop curbs."

I wonder if this guy has ever DRIVEN an SUV? my 88' blazer doesn't handle like shit, and I would think, out of ALL the suv's around, it'd be one of the shitiest, considering it's age. But no, it handles and turns better than my brother's BUICK regal! It doesn't accelerate as fast, but I take pride in knowing I can hop a curb once in a while without blowing out a tire or scratching up a rim *sarcasm.*
It's exactly this kind of person who would give an SUV a bad rep- he'd TRY to take an on ramp at 60 (which sounds a little dangerous, at least on SOME on ramps, for a car as well) and would flip it.

"My wife and I both drive cars that get 30+ mpg. I saw a brand new Saturn VUE (SUV) that claimed 17 mpg highway--that's when it was new. With mileage like that, even if I wanted an SUV, I couldn't afford to drive one."

well great for you. my mom's BMW 325 doesn't even get that- she gets about 23 in town, i think, about the same amount as my blazer. enough said.
the next line is about "ricers," or customized small cars (civics, etc)

"Don't you ever want to say to one of those people driving cars like that 'hey stupid. Do you realize how RETARDED your car looks? Just wondering.'"

not really. everyone has a different opinion of what looks good in a car, and if you want to be utilitarian, be my guest. some people want to add crap to their car that's mostly useless- but i think you proved the point of ricing a car up anyway- to get noticed.

ARG! I can't do this! it's not angry enough right now! I'll rewrite it later after I've built up some real disdain for morons.

I don't have a ton of room to talk, but I do anyway.

Chances are, if you can read the below text easily, without problems, or any thoughts of "wait, did I figure that out right?," you should commit suicide. seriously.

"miSs u guyS lK waD..
yEaH, mY xAms r ovEr bT i sTill cAnt believE tt i dUn niD to stuDy
foR 7 mThs..siAh..been looKin Fer joBs wiF deaR lipiNg bt eNded up kAna
rejEcteD anD den sOOooo hUrT!
ahahaaa..so aLwaEs endeD up shoppIN insTead ..
nW den brokE..
sob soB..
aHahaha~bTw, gT onE guy lk mI!!"

This is a prime example of the terrible use of spelling and grammar that our language is coming to. I mean, seriously, this is ridiculous.

The use of the internet has spawned an entire new language- actually- several. one I will call "moron," another we will call "neglish" (for negligent english), and the last is known as leet, or probably better known as l33t.

At first this new wave of spelling (or misspelling, as it so happens) was simply things like "u" or "ure," which was massively annoying but easy to understand. but seriously, is it that hard to type the extra two letters to make "you" or the extra letter to make anyway from "neway?"

but now there are entirely NEW ways to spell words that AREN'T even abbreviations. ridiculous. like "siah" for sigh.

Then there was leet/l33t, the mixture of letters and numbers to form words. I hate this language too, but not as badly because at least it's psuedo-creative.

and then there was the ultimate crime against language- moron. I honestly can't think of anything better except "stupid jerk" or "the sheerly stupid language- do not use unless you are massively mentally retarded."

This is so stupid I can't even read it! what the fuck does "waD" mean anyway? and what the fuck is up with the alternatively capitalized letters? I can understand something like ESState, which actually means something, but it sure must take a lot of effort to SpElL lIkE tHiS. and it looks fucking stupid, too.

It gets worse- people write like this in "real life" too, examplera OFF THE INTERNET. I have actually seen people turn in papers, to their teachers, spelled like this! very rarely, but It HAS happened!

I hate people who spell like shit SO much.

also, I'd like to apologize to all the mentally retarded. Even they aren't this stupid.

all i can think is... wow. this Pontiac GTO is... man... it's... so pretty... the color...

man. people who hate on SUV's piss me off.

I'm talking to Chris Keithley, which, actually, is really cool because I haven't in almost a year. that's ridiculous. we were talking about cars, and somehow this place called auto obsession in calif that restores old cars popped in. he asked me if I wanted to work there. you know, I hadn't thought about it, but yeah, i'd love to work there or some place like it. It'd be awsome, but then, it'd also require me leaving oklahoma, which I REALLY don't want to do. maybe there's a place in OK I could find. that would be really nice.

my new email address is JaydFalcyn@yahoo.com
I am so tired of annoying people sending me shitloads of fwd email, SO DON'T SEND ME FORWARDS!!!

I can't get the "end of the world" song out of my head.... I have no idea what it's really called but it's in "28 days later" and it was written/performed by the band Godspeed you Black Emperor. It's really haunting, and it builds up.... and up... and I have this buildup and clang part over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...........

I seem to be emailing random people who blog; and I hope that they will respond. I wonder why. Oh well.... *sigh* gotta find somehting to do.

thanksgiving break is here. I hope everyone has a happy thanksgiving... I probably will. anyway...

I am ridiculously stupid. that's all i have to say about that.

on a better note, my mom is going to get me a roll pan to replace my screwed up back bumper!~YAY!

I have to take raymond to mccalaster because his other ride skipped on him. I htought I'd be able to do nothing on the best jack shit day of the year, but apparently jack skipped town and took his shit with him, so I have to work anyway. if I find his original ride, I am going to hit him with a farm tractor, hands down. HANDS DOWN!

posted pictures on the other site... of the blazer, of course. pointing out things, talking about what will be fixed. if you can't get the pictures to come up, click on a link and then hit back. I have been having some problems.

Sarah, I'd say it would be spelled FOR-EHH-VEHR! sandlot style, and yes, i do check them, unless my roommate comes in and closes everything on my computer and logs onto his screenname. you could always try calling me if you need my crazy help.

I took the pictures, although I have not been able to post them yet. I hope that I will soon.

man. people drive me crazy.

For some reason this is a noteworthy conversation.

lanoner: i'm jewish
JaydFalcyn: !!!
lanoner: the scapegoat
JaydFalcyn: what DOES that HAVE anything TO do WITH it ALL
JaydFalcyn: I didn't even know, thanks very much
lanoner: they are always blamed for things going wrong.
JaydFalcyn: well, if the economy crashes, I'll make sure to blame YOU

I went to Paul's Valley, Oklahoma today to pick up some rattlesnakes from a man named Jeff that catches them there. he has a large amount of land- including a pond, and Timber Rattlesnakes come up onto his property regularly.
A friend of Rex and mine, Andey, knew Jeff from his church or something (I didn't personally know him) and had heard that we had a pigmy rattlesnake. He wanted one, and offered us a Timber Rattlesnake for it. We can't catch Timbers here in Norman, so we decided to go for it. Sometime after he offered this deal, one of his timber rattlesnakes gave birth to something like 9 young, and he offered us two neonates (very young snakes) for the Pigmy. this sounded even better.
When we got down to his house, He had decided that he was going to give us three timber rattlesnakes, 2 adult copperheads, 2 juvenille copperheads, and one juvenille western diamondback (Crotalus atrox).
So, for our one, slightly darker-than-average (for the area he's from, anyway) Pigmy Rattlesnake, we got 8 snakes. a pretty good deal, actually, especially considering that this coming summer I will be able to go and catch more near Michael's house.
Interestingly, Jeff's son was bitten by a Rock Rattlesnake (C. lepidus)
when he was younger. He was bitten on the middle finger, but was luckier than I was, and survived the encounter with all of his fingers. During the winter his finger shrivels and turns a frosty white color, so there is some residual damage somewhere still in his finger.
This makes me wonder how I will fare during this winter. As it is, my thumb hurts more than it usually does whenever there are large amounts of water in the air...

As far as we know, we have a pair of breeding Broad-Banded Copperheads (Agkistrodon Contortrix laticinctus), and we hope that we will have a breeding pair of Timbers (C. horridus) in the next couple of years. We'll see what happens.

For clarity, all rattlesnakes are in the Genus Crotalus, except Pigmy Rattlesnakes and Massasauga, which are in the Genus Sistrurus.
all new world pit vipers are called Crotalids, as a whole, which is kind of wierd because the rattlesnakes' name, Crotalus, comes from "dry rattle" in greek.
Thus S. miliarus would be in the Sistrurus genus (that's a pigmy rattlesnake!).

I find it... perturbing that a western diamondback resides in my mothers' house. I'm sure she's not happy...

I started a new blog. it's going to be a slow going and won't pick up any speed until probably this coming summer. but nonetheless, I started it. It's called "The 1988 Blazer makeover project." I am going to put things in there, like pictures of me doing stuff to my blazer. Ther's nothing there yet, but I am going to have to work on the format anyway.

[note- I since changed the name of the new site to "Project STall")

somehow stall is so fitting for that thing.

Sometimes I hate it when you're right, Sarah.

I decided to make a list of those things going on my blazer.
the first one here is a steel cowl induction hood. it has a 2" rise on the back with a working induction system (It sucks air into the engine). These are produced by prestigious accesories, or at least, these pictures are, and I am curious if I can find them cheaper. the one for my blazer is 349.00, which is.. an allright deal, i suppose. click here to see the hood by itself , and here to see it on an S-10

allright. the next thing on my list is also produced by prestigious accessories, or at least the picture is. It is called an air dam, and it functions as an air dam, which I will have to research a little more... it goes beneath the front bumper/covers the front bumper... you can see it in this picture. it is 80.00. I wish, however, that I could find an integrated spoiler front bumper cover instead. I will look. click here to see it on a truck

[I since researched air dams. they aid in preventing hot air recirculation from the engine compartment to the radiator, helping cool the engine, and they also create a low pressure zone under the car front, increasing the downward air force. basically, it functions as a ground based spoiler. or at least, it should. FYI, in the picture above, the air dam is the black colored plastic-looking part right below the grille and headlights. it covers the front bumper and extends downward.]

The next thing is called a roll pan, and it's basically my back bumper sucked into the car. I think it looks cool because it gives the car a smoother look. Here's a picture of one, and it's even in the right colors. you can tell that this one is on a similar model blazer to mine, probably a 91-93, I would think. it doesn't actually matter. this is 93.00. again... here's an example on a truck.



this is a front grille, in chrome, with headlights and grille as one peice (my current one is in three peices, the headlights and then the center grille, which I don't like that much) by JBM sport truck accessories. It is 125.00. all in chrome. I might settle for something else.... I haven't decided.

and here's another custom grille. if this one wasn't so expensive, I'd hop on it in a heart beat. it's a phantom grille- that means it basically looks like you have no headlights. I think they kick it hardcore.. but it's 365.00... which, I guess, really isn't that bad considering I am going to have to save up a CRAPLOAD of money just to get any of the things I want for this car. I think I want to go for the headlighted look vs. the phantom look though, for this car. it would be.... stronger somehow, I think.

so, basically, just for accesories to make it look "nice", I'm looking at... (using the phantom grille, because I like that one the best) 888.00 dollars plus tax. actually it's 887.99 plus tax... but it still comes to be between 930 and 950 dollars after tax, which is ridiculous, assuming oklahoma sales tax (which it isn't) and assuming tax isn't allready included (which It could be).

now. onto the REALLY important stuff.

THE ENGINE!! I have decided I wish to put a 350 cubic centimeter 330 Horsepower GM engine in the blazer. GMgoodwrench says that it is their lowest priced "crate engine" (meaning you buy the engine from GM and they send it to you in a crate so that you can either do the installation yourself or have someone else do it for you)
I'm not exactly sure how much faster this would make my blazer, but it would considerably boost my horsepower, which, currently, at peak performance (which it isn't) sits a little over 120HP. This engine is an upgrade camaro engine, basically. I would have to get some sort of complete package, one that included a carburator.
I have not found an actual price for then engine itself, but it seems to run between 3,000 and 4,000 dollars. actually it's higher, if I want the 350 HO Super deluxe package that offers some extra stuff and a 50 HP increase. maybe I'll just have someone do it for me. who knows. it's getting pretty involved.



because this engine is so large and powerful, it is neccisary to get a counterbalanced flywheel/flexplate... and because I would be going from a 2.8L low power V6 to a 5.7L smallblock V8, I would need a new transmission.

The transmission I want is a High Performance 700R4 transmission. It works with an output of up to 675 HP safely, which is completely unnecissary....It's a pretty nice transmission, and it's going to run me about 1,145 dollars for one with four wheel drive, which I intend to keep. it would be a shitload more If I wasn't doing the installation. One of the many I have looked at comes from monster motorsports.
The thing I like about this transmission is that it has a 3.06 ratio in the first gear, which is about 20% lower than most transmissions. also, it's overdrive will give anywhere from a 30 to 40% increase in gas mileage on the road (which is good).



I could do all the body work on my own, luckily.
I'd also want some sort of Flowmaster Dual exhaust that would sound awsome with a 350 HO engine (like a flowmaster thunder or something), and that'd probably run me about 200.00. so basically.... I am looking at... rounded about 500 dollars up because of tax and price changes, 7,550.00 dollars.
I wouldn't be able to do this next year. I wouldn't be able to do it the year after that... but eventually I will. and my car will whoop ass.

of course, that isn't counting underside components that would have to be replaced, like my driveshaft (the thing that connects the transmission to the back wheels).
so, just in case, let's add another 1,000.00 dollars, which I know is a really high estimate. of course, all of this isn't counting getting hydraulics and possibly rims (which are ridiculously overpriced). If I got rims, they'd be from eagle alloy, series 212, because those rims have what look like 5 teardrops. they're really awsome. of course, they're also ridiculously expensive, like 4,000.00 dollars or something.



final estimate without the rims (or take a thousand dollars) is 8,550.00. I think this is a little high somewhere, but I am not sure where. anyway, it's cheaper than buying a new camaro, and cooler to, because I'll have something slightly better, no, WAY better, than a Z-24 camaro that STILL has 4X4. of course... I think the gas mileage while in 4 would suck ass.... and I may decide just to lose the 4X4 because of that....
actually, it'd be like a blazervette, i think. I will rename it the Stall Z-13 when I'm done, maybe.
so now, without the 4X4, it's about 8,400.00. dang. still high. let's add a thousand in case i decide NOT to do all this on mym own. ouch. I decided against the phantom, so I'll take away 230.00. now it's 8,170.00 about.

one more thing I want, just for the hell of it, is some "SS" metal decals. I mean, after all of this modification, I'd think It'd deserve to bear the "SuperSport" emblem. those will probably run me 50 bucks.

I'm signing off for now.

I decided I'd take a look around at the other blogs. alot are cool. some relate. like this page particle board nirvana. I was surprised, although I shouldn't have been. people go through similar (if dissimilar) shit, and everyone is depressed once in a while. it was like therapy. anyway, I'm just glad that the chapter of musical dating is over. but now I have moved into the field of looking agian.... and I'm hopeful on one.

I am actually tired, and it's only like 4 am. that's a first. I did something, and now I am sad because of it, although it really doesn't matter in the long run and could turn good anyway. I just have to give things time and be good ol' me. things will live and die on their own...


well, it's been about two hours since I started this post, and now I am finishing it. I met some intresting and crazy people on the internet while playing poker, and lost like about 300 digital dollars because someone slapped me with their boobs... lol... or at least they said they did.... anyway.

I'm going to sleep. wish me luck. wish me happiness. and... well... that's all. I hope things turn for the better.


not turn for the better... it's good right now. but knowing me, I'll mess it up. hardcore mess it up. so wish me luck on not doing that. and wish me luck on MAINTAINing things. yeah. anyway....

allright.
So I decided to go to IHOP last night, at like 1:30, to see michelle, matt, blake, amber, and I took Amanda and greg along with me. anyway... basically it was okay. matt and blake smoke ALOT and I got this sick feeling in my stomach... but then we came back and chilled downstairs for awhile. Amber and Matt were watching varsity blues... and me and michelle talked about some stuff for awhile.. and then I went upstairs. apparently i didn't sleep. yet. me and raymond had a silly argument. and then I decided to go to bed after brushing my teeth. that would be in like ten minutes from this post. i think. man. I'm silly. I need to get up in like 5 hours to fill out paper work and get my stupid and mostly (although not completely) useless life back on track. whatever.

I hope that everyone's dreams will be less troubled and confused than mine are.

Sunlight streaming in
I live only for the night
it's tender fire

haha! I got it all worked out! If you click my "R" rating, you can now send me email! how awsome is that!!! I think, however, that that is eventually going to have to be replaced with a picture of my blazer. go ahead! send me an email!

we watched "It," "Evil Dead," and "Army of Darkness." It was pretty fun. Michelle fell asleep on my shoulder (I didn't mind at all, she has a nice head and her hair smells pretty! :) ) during Army of Darkness, it was the last one we watched. I realize now that I like Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2 so much better than army of darkness. It is a pretty good movie, too. man. I seriously need to talk to Raymond about 2 things, and then I need to work up some courage about something else....... not that it matters.
The new Matt who lives here seems pretty cool, but he's from a different group than I grew up in. that's okay, he's allright. allthough he did tell us a pretty funny (or maybe just upsetting) story about a time when he was going 125 something in a 60 mile an hour highway. he was driving a mustang GT and a Highway Patrol car going the oppisite direction saw him. He slammed on his breaks when he saw the patrol officer, but of course it was too late. The HPC decided to try and pull a major U turn at high speeds, and slid off the road and cracked it's bumper. for some reason, Matt decided to speed back up, basically to try to run. the HPC hadn't turned it's lights on yet, I think. Well he speed off at like a hundred for a couple minutes and then thinks to himself, "yeah, I lost him!" so he slows back down to 60. and then comes along the HPC, and pulls him over. Needless to say (but I will anyway) the officer was PISSED. he gave matt a reckless driving ticket, a speeding ticket, and a ticket for every cigarette that matt was carrying (he was 16 at the time). He couldn't exactly give matt a ticket for evasion because he technically hadn't, the officer didn't try to pull him over when he was in the ditch.
I'm not sure what to think of this. I do think I'm not so sure If I want to drive anywhere with matt.... (lol??) but it was a funny story nonetheless. I think he's more reckless in life than me (that's pretty weird. I'm pretty out there).

anyway, I'm "too tired" to end this with a hiaku right now. I'm hoping I can figure some things out and get all the paper work handled for next semester tommorow, but you never know.

I wanted to end this with "I know this nice girl....." but I don't think I will. goodnight all! :)

The fact that my blogger has basically become a post back and forth between me and sarah amuses me. it's pretty funny. but it makes me feel good, at least I have one reader! :) I knew that you guys wouldn't want to sell that truck.... but I am also wondering if someone knows a person with a trashed up but in still good condition (body wise) an old truck (no newer than 65) that is a chevy commanche. I would eventually like to buy one, clean it up, and put a new engine in it, so to speak. well, gotta run, we're going to watch "IT" on the TV, so hope ya'll have a good night!
What did David say about my spoiler? was it the standard "Why the hell did he do that to an 88 blazer?"
for those who didn't know I put a spoiler on an 88 blazer. for fun and because it's different. no one else has one! yay for me!

I was looking at some of the other blogs and I realized how much MINE SUCKS! even worse, I haven't been writing any poetry lately.

[I have since decided to take this statement back. with the sheer number of blogs out there, mine is mediocre or good, not sucky.]


As the sun rises
I flee the light to my bed
will it be today?

Full cautious tension
A wingless bird in midflight
what's it all about?

how does it feel now?
I'm sure you realize the wrong
where are you going?

Tired stains of midnight
drench from my eyelids
as I fight a losing battle
with exhaustion
and gravity.
I wonder if today
will be the day
but remember
that nothing ever changes.

I wish she knew she's beautiful.
she doesn't listen;
she is, you know.
what can I say,
what could I ever say
to make the simplest
statement true?
It confuses me, this feeling
and I doubt it
but even more,
I doubt her.

I already know the answer.
I read it in your eyes
as a writer reads a blank page
I just wish
that it could be true.

some things make me doubt my sanity. like my feelings. I wish I could figure it all out.

man. I hate fights so much. I also hate drama. both high school and college.
lucky for me, when I move into the apartment, that should stop a little.
I can only hope that that will happen.
Oh yeah, and I want to ask how much sarah's dad MIGHT want for that truck! arg!
If I can get it for cheap...
I could fix it up!
maybe.

ErichPryde: have you checked any of those links out?
ErichPryde: the one of the yellow car-
letsgorockhard: nah
letsgorockhard: i don't car much for that stuff
ErichPryde: LOL

sorry. just had to post this. any punny people will get it, even though it makes me sad that Jeff hasn't looked at my links. oh well.

I'm having some problems regarding The Blazer Project, which I think I will just call Project Stall from now on.
I'm not, really. but then I am because I don't know what kind of engine I want. Ultimately, I want to put something like a 387 or a 454 in it, but that's dang expensive. so, I'm basically considering putting a 4.3 litre in it... that would work. or I could downgrade to a 3.4 litre carburated 1985 blazer... which would be weird. I'll have to think about it. The midline, and probably the best choice (considering I don't REALLY want it to be able to HAVE to outrace anyhting in Norman) would be to put a 350/330 in it (350 cu in. 330 HP) and then put in a 700R4 trans 4X4 (which I intend to do eventually anyway).
but what I have decided so far is to put a cowl induction hood on it, some sort of holographic paint (two or three color, I am looking at Ocean extreme by http://www.extreme-paint.com ) back and front bumper covers (so that the bumpers will look fancy-like)
and to either remove or change the blazer's sidepeices slash wing. I might just take the entire spoiler off. but that'd be at least a year away, I am going to change the sidepeices over fall break.
I'm also going to replace the dash lights over fall break, as well as see if I can't get a chrome display (pointless I know).
all of the underside parts, like the driveshaft.... that will all be replaced. and I think I am going to run a dual exhaust from it in the end.
this is all at LEAST a year and a half away. probably more.
yay! fun fun. this summer... it's going to be great.

Some of you may know that I live in Cross center with a roommate. some of you may know my roommate. We come from very different worlds- and even though I can honestly say we are friends and care about each other, I can also say that we are from two different worlds. We were raised with different philosophies on life, different versions of responsibilities.
Today, Wes was upset because My computer chair had gotten onto one of his myriad combat boots (he has about 8 pairs, I thinj. maybe only 6. but it's a lot of boots) and was scuffing it. He asked me to try to be a bit more careful. He's in ROTC, so he has to have alot of boots.
If you have EVER seen my room here at cross, then you know that it is probably the dirtiest room in either side of the building. Alot of this mess is Wes's ROTC stuff. I will not blame him for all of it; nay, I can see things of mine on the floor right now. But I will say this. It is nearly impossible for me to step anywhere without stepping on a peice of his BDU's.
My response to this was sure, I could be more careful, but it was difficult not to hit something once in awhile, as ALL of his boots ARE floating around the room. He kind of got pissed.
WHAT I REALLY WANTED to say WAS don't ask me to respect your property MORE than you are willing to respect it. I have tried, I really have, not to step on boots. I have EVEN picked up his army glasses, his sunglasses, and his damn army hat, on more than seven occasions, so they WOULDN'T get damaged!
But it seems that there is no willingness for him to take care of his stuff. IF i left my things all over the floor, I would assume that things like that would happen. I'm not saying that I should just randomly kick his shit because it is everywhere, but I am saying that I SHOULD NOT be responsible for cleaning it up. IF HE is unwilling to take care of it, he should be willing to expect accidents.
I REALLY DO TRY NOT TO SCUFF YOUR SHIT, WES!!!! THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS RESPECT IT ENOUGH TO CLEAN IT UP!!! I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOU!!!! and I certainly shouldn't have to kick your boots out from under my chair; they should be under your damn bed or something.
I try. I'd appreciate it if you would, too. You can't expect me not to damage something with this much shit on the floor. that's all I ask, wes.

I don't know why I posted this on the internet. Maybe I should just type it as a letter and give it to him. Unless he's reading it. Right now.

I got the big A.O.K on moving into James' apartment. my mom seems proud that I have found a direction in my life, and this makes me very happy. FOr the first time in over 3 years, I feel like I have an aim that I set out to get on my own. not one others somehow constructed for me. Not only that, it's like I know where I want to go. wait, I just said that. but it makes me happy, so I am not so sad. WHAT?>?!?! I seem to be rammmmbling. well that's what I get the rambling ramblerer. oh and the cowboy bebop still rocks my world hardcore. other than that I am fine. NO SERIOUSLY!
Arg.

Random June Beetles
Summer's dream, the cozy porch
crickets singing sweet

hmmm.
I don't think I would buy and rebuild an old engine. I found a Ram Jet 350 small block Chevy Engine for under 5,000 dollars, even as low as 3,700 possibly. I think I'd have to buy that, and drop it into a, oh, say... maybe an '88 Blazer? or a '63/66 Nova? I doubt I could get the Nova that easily, but I wish. anyway, It's a 350 cubic inch, 5.7 litre, 350 horsepower engine that has pretty awsome electronically controlled fuel injectors. this means very little to me, as of yet, other than this engine stomps hardcore. I would install it myself, which would rock. but not yet. need more experience first. and I would have to get something like a 700R4 to go along with it, maybe.
Nova comes from latin meaning New. Spanish basically sucks. No Go my ass. try one word.

[Cut from last post for clarity of topic]
On another note, I seem to have made a couple of life changing decisions. I am not sure if I am going to go to OU again next year. before anyone freaks, let me explain my reasons carefully. I have thought for the longest time that I wanted to be a Herpetologist with a touch of Social Science or English. The problem was, I didn't know WHAT it was exactly that I wanted to do. This is really a problem for me. at the end of this year, I'll pretty much have to declare a major, and I don't think I know conclusivley yet what I want to do. I have mostly narrowed it down to Engish or Herp, but I just don't know. It would almost be easier simply to have a hobby as a Herpetologist, major in english (creative writing), and minor in soc or psych. BUT before I decide anything, I seriously need to sit down and figure out what it is that I want.
Creative Writing is easy for me to do, I love english, and have no problems in it. This is not exactly the case with science classes, even though l love science itself.
And of course, recently, there has been my exploded curiousity for cars and the way they work.
I just don't think that Being a mechanic who has a double major (Zoology and English) and a triple minor (Psych and Soc and Anth) would work out very well.
I would be raising the kids (I say this because I want to be a stay-at-home dad, i think), cooking dinner, writing my book, raising snakes, studying culture, helping depressed people, studying old cultures, and fixing up hot rods to sell.
I've been called a renaissance man before, but this is ridiculous.
I can just see myself now, holding a baby in one hand while listening for the kitchen oven timer, shaking a man's hand over a restored '63 chevy II I just sold him. I tell him, "oh, by the way, wopuld you like to buy a rattlesnake or possibly a copy of my first book?"
OH YEAH. let me tell you....
so basically, no.
I am going to sit down for a little while, something I haven't done yet. I have decided that I don't care if the people around me think I MUST go to college, or if they talk badly about me. I am going to do what I think is right for me. Oh, I am not going to drop completely out of school, I'm definetly going to enroll in a mechanic's course at MNT for the spring semester. but I am going to cut back. I am also going to see if I can't get a part to full time job somewhere, and then maybe share an apartment with rex and some friends next year.
After that (and of course after Iget enough for my '68 Chevelle or '63 Chevy II), and after I have decided where I am going, I will go to college and finish up.
I simply don't want to waste my mom's money- and I certainly don't want to feel forced into a roll I feel I have to follow because of some misguided social rule.
Heck, it's not like I'm wasting my life. learning how to be a mechanic will be really useful- I'll make both the absolute perfect husband and wife (I can fix your car or sink, and damn if I can't cook and clean!) and save lots of money on car parts. also, being a mechanic CAN pay well.
I hope everyone out there can see past our cultural rules for a second and see that I am trying to figure out who I am. and, for that matter, going after something that will probably make me happy for a while. Goodluck to all of you regarding your dreams.

A simple letter
Spiderwebs of ugly lies
Not letter perfect

I looked into my engine today and basically felt like a total moron. actually, it was after I flipped through my repair manual randomly and found something that was in the repair manual's picture of my engine- but has NEVER been in my engine.
It was/is something called a TAC hot air hose. I looked at the picture for a little bit, trying to figure out if maybe I was looking at it at a funny angle or something (Haynes may be the best detailed repair manual out there, but they're still lacking on clarity of pictures sometimes) but I quickly realized that I wasn't looking at it at a funny angle, whatever "IT" was was simply not there.
I analyzed the situation- and realized several important things.
The TAC air hose has the following important function- with the help of a sensor that measures engine temperature, it closes or opens a "door" leading from the snorkel (the air intake, or the thing that runs to the front of your car and captures outside air...) Into my air-intake housing. When the engine is running cold (read: when the engine has just started AND the outside air is not exactly warm) it keeps the door shut, keeping outside air from coming into the air-intake housing. after the engine warms up, the door lowers, allwoing cool outside air to come into the engine. So basically its purpose is to help the car run more smoothly in cool weather.
Last year I had replaced a similar vacuum hose that led from my right header up into my intake housing, not realizing (I wouldn't have then, anyway) that the reason it doesn't run smoothly in cold weather has little to do with the batteries charge (my previous thought) or any number of other things I had believed. it was actually becasause a part of my car JUST ISN'T THERE!
Now maybe this doesn't seem weird to all of you, I mean, peices of car are removed all the time, and then mostly put back in (this particular peice would have been removed if someone had taken my TBI apart {this is another random fact I learned today- my car isn't port injection or carberated [the two most common ways of fuel feed, i suppose], it's Throttle Body Injected, or TBI for short}) BUT this particular peice had NEVER been there.
I admit- I hadn't noticed its abscence before- but during my youthful forays into my engine (read: before I knew ANYTHING about cars but curiously peeped under the hood) I never saw it.
The hole where the bottom of it should connect to my engine block is empty; and always has been. I have wondered about that hole for ages, and little did I know that it really DOES serve an important purpose.
Now that I know that it's gone, I can replace it. I don't know how much it is, although I will find out. It's a plastic/rubber tube that leads from an exhaust port back up into the air-intake manifold (I'll simply call this AIM from now on, although it actaully has some longer acronym like THERMAC) and it can't be all that expensive. However, if the sensor that controls the "door" is dead... that might put me out thirty bucks or more (tops 60 I hope).
Basically, this would fix (since I found this HUGE carbon deposit on a fuel injector head today that was causing problems- I cleaned it off and Ameile is happier with me) almost ALL of my cold weather problems/cooler weather problems.
At least, this is what I hope. Within the last week, I have found/identified and fixed several small problems with my car, something that is making her run more smoothly almost on a daily basis. Just going under the hood and cleaning things makes me happy; and the thought that it might finally run without some random kick or shudder or death makes me even more happy.
Speaking of cleaning- while cleaning my fuel injectors, I found something on the engine block I didn't even know where was- My VIN number, 14089802 (Vehicle Identification Number)! It was under about a centimeter of engine grit and grease, which concerns me. I haven't really done much until very recently on that car- and the way it has been treated bothers me. Grandad didn't know enough to service it himself and he was too old, but some TRUSTWORTHY mechanic should have taken better care of it! it runs- but things that make it run BETTER were/are missing. and it's dirty.
This makes me think of something else that bothered me: where did the missing tube go? could it just have "dissapeared?" I personally have two theories, the first being more reasonable and the second being more sinister.
The first theory is this. at some point, someone took apart my AIM and TBI to clean and or maintain it. when they put the AIM back on, they simply forgot to put two hoses back in (one of which I replaced last year).
The second theory is possible, but it pisses me off. Some mechanic simply took the "unnecessary" parts out (I say this because the cars' behavior is not GREATLY EFFECTED by the absence of these hoses) and put them in another car. This is possible, and certainly has happened before. It makes me angry, though. If some mechanic did this they did it to an old man who probably rarely looked under the hood and wouldn't have noticed a couple of missing hoses anyway. This just reinforces my desire to learn more about cars- enough to do the work myself. Heck, even if it isn't a sinister plot, it still goes to show a mechanic's carelessness, and that reinforces my want to learn to do this on my own.
Luckily, I can vouch for the fact that it wasn't our "family's" mechanic Ricky, because I remember both of those hoses not being there AND I remember him pointing the smaller one out to me... but SOMEONE did, and that person should be dragged out into the street and tattoed with engine oil.

Man. I wrote alot about cars. Well, If you're not intrested....




Demented nightmares
Fade away fast as sleep falls
A curtain revealed.

I think it's possible to have more than one soulmate. I have at least three, I think. a potential fourth.
The first is Ameile, A certain '88 Blazer that fills my heart with love.
The second is a '68 Chevelle SS.
The third is a '63 Chevy II.
I don't know the fourth.

I'm going car crazy. Next semester I am DEFINETLY going to take a course over cars at MNT or something like it, and I am going to learn cars like I know my own self, like I know my hand...
and then, then I am going to go and get myself a couple of things.
like a Chevy 396 engine that needs a little work.
like a turbo 350 transmission (or a 700R4 transmission) that needs a little work.
like some really cool eldebrock carberator.
and then, then Ameile will become a powerhouse. a psuedo hotrod.
I will install them. and she'll tear up the streets. how biznitchess is that?
I'm also going to get that chevy II, and that chevelle. it's going to happen.

I think tommorow I am going to go and get some Eastwood Silver hi-temp paint and clean up my current carberator and air intake, and repaint them. it'll look cool. and I'm also going to clean up the engine, so it looks nice... for once in all the tim've had it. If Ameile can't whomp major ass right now she can at least whomp ass. I just wish I had enough for a massive paint job on the outside, some REALLY shiny beautiful blue, I think. something old looking maybe.

That Chevy II would be superlight metallic blue or superlight metallic purple. no racers.

man I am crazy.
oh, and for one of the best and most detailed sites ever on car work... (if you're intrested) check out chevyassylum.com

Caress cold metal
weep for despair of lonely
Meaningless dark words

I replaced the distributor cap and rotor cap in my blazer yesterday. it was pretty fun, although I had a couple minor problems like putting the spark plug wires back on correctly the first time! I was one place off on every wire so it didn't want to fire, but then I reorganized them and it was okay.
My next project is to take out my intake and filter housing, clean it up, and paint it metallic silver with heat ressistant engine paint. then I am going to get some engine cleaner°reaser and clean that baby UP!
I basically went to far with that rant the other day. It was really only directed at like one person and a couple others thought it was for them, so if you don't think it was for you IMMEDIATELY and or you didn't do anything to piss me off in the last couple of days, it wasn't you.
I hope that maybe in the next week I can go over to Sarah Rhoades' house and help her with her blog, although I seriously doubt it. I'd like to; that and replace my blazer's engine with a 396 and replace the transmission with a turbo 350. man that car would rock the world so hardcore. I'd also have to replace the drivetrain and driveshaft with kickass things, put hydraulics so that it can raise and lower an extra 5 inches, and get one set of off road tires and one set of racing tires. that would rule my world, basically. other than that life goes on.

Living life ahead
A day into the mudslide
for every two out

Man. I am not sure whether or not life sucks right now... but of course, I am not sure if it has EVER sucked. or maybe it was just never good, that's more likely. anyway, it's not like it matters... People just don't listen. so shall it ever be. of course, when I don't listen to people lecturing me because I have just told them ot listen and they interuppted and or ignored me I suppose I am not listening to them talk over me.
Life has always sucked- sometimes I've just thought it hasn't. how confusing.
not that it matters.
I almost wish I COULD be suicidal, because then I wold't have to put up with shit anymore.
But, unfortunately, I have too much to live for....
like getting a 1968 Chevelle SS! :)

a green matchstick box
flammable warnings, coffee
it's way to early

I have one request from EVERYONE. stay out of my business and let me lead my own damn life. I don't want to hear anymore "You have a duty" speeches, I don't want to hear anymore damn speeches at all.
I want everyone to let me live or die ON MY OWN! how hard is this to ask?!?! STOP FUCKING CARING, AND LET ME LIVE OR DIE ON MY OWN!!! I don't know exactly what I want, but I do know that I don't want people telling me what it is I have to or SHOULD do. STOP! why can't you all back off, I know I'm not going anywhere, I don't NEED you to tell me that!
Is it so hard to ask?
IS it really so hard to ask thatall of you simply stop "caring?"
Is that even what you all are doing? It seems more like you're all judging me on societies standards; you can't even let me alone!
I HATE THIS SOCIETY, I HATE THE PATHS IT FORCES US TO TAKE!
and further, i hate people who try to force me to LIVE in and with this society under the "veil" of caring???
WHAT exactly is it that you care about? is it my welfare, my state of mind, or my FAILURE within this society???
If you cared about my state of mind you wouldn't be giving me bullshit speeches on how I should try to be so conformist- live my life, everyday, go to work, and then DIE.
IF you cared about my welfare, you wouldn't be reinforcing the fact that I REALLY am such a failure, this just makes me want to commit suicide. also, if you cared about my welfare, then you'd care about my happinness, and STOP telling me i have to "own up" to choices I have made THAT I ALREADY HAVE OWNED UP TO! what the fuck does that mean? does it mean that when I KNOW i made a decision not to go to class, and I know this means I might flunk, I have taken responsibility and "owned up to my actions," knowing FULL WELL that it might mean I flunK????
what do you mean, take responsibility for your actions?!?!? I KNOW FULL FUCKING WELL WHAT THEY DO, SO STOP TELLING ME I DON'T!
and finally, since alot of you have made it very clear that you really don't care so much about my happiness as much as you care about whether or not I fail within this society, BACK OFF. you eiter care about whether or not I'm happy, or you don't. IF living in a shithole with no money makes me happy, then you should be happy for me too! If you try to force your views on me, it's not really me you're caring about; it's whether or not I am either A) living my life like the majority, being a picture perfect clone; or B) whether or not I am living like you, (I care whether or not you act like me) or C) I care that you make me look bad in association with me, I'm too shallow to really care about you, so I say I care because you're making me look bad by association, you failure, even if you're happy, so I care!


GO AWAY!
I have never wanted to die more. I know I'm a failure, stop telling me.

ALLRIGHT! here is my ultimate car.
1968 Chevelle SS
Color- Fathom Blue with 2 white racing stripes
Engine- GM 396
Transmission- Turbo 350 OR 700R4


that's basically all..... I really don't want to go into super detail; but it'd tear up the road, basically. and look sweeter than anything EVER but that's to be ecxpected, have you ever seen my blazer?!? holy, that car is SWEET. one-of-a-kind sweetness. oh-so-gorgeous sweetness.

[No hiaku currrently posted]

It's time to get a job and a loan. I am going to get a Chevelle one of these days... I SWEAR IT! it's like my total completion- i think I COULD never date again if I had that car, because I'd never need another girl. EVER. now this doesn't mean I WON'T not date again, it just means I could. plus, I could get more dates if I drove a Chevelle. maybe.
There is apparently a pearly green one with white racing stripes in McCallister with a 454 (this means it has a 454 cubic centimeter engine, or, in otherwords, A %&^! HUGE engine) and If I get a job and take out a loan I am going to buy it. that's all there is to it. call me crazy, cuz i shore am!

Yes, I no error
above me I see faulty
burnt wires and smoke

I think I have fallen in love. again.
First it was that beautiful black chevy apache 3100, now it's this gorgeous Chevelle SS. It's only 16,500. I wish I had that much.... DANG! being poor sucks! AAARRGGG!!!! this is one of the most beautiful cars ever!
[scroll to bottom to see a picture of the fabled 1968 Chevelle SS 396cc/325cu]

thirteen feet of steel
The open road before me
nothing but the wind

lora, or at least, i think it was lora, warned me up to 50 something percent. how annoying. HOW PERFECTLY ANNOYING!
I hope t omake amends with adam. it hurts. again.
I wish I knew what to do, dang it!
I FOUND MY POOL STICK!
HOORAY!!!
and in other news.....
I had this freaky conversation with Erin I HOPE TO NEVER have again with anyone.
I think I wanted to cry and freak out all at the same time. and then there's the fact that I'm tired. and now I can't log onto aim because for some reason it kicked me off.

HOW awsome.
I hate this.


Last time for alone
leaving batteries countered
The next turn the last

No. I'm not bi... but I could be under the right circumstances, I think. I stand firmly in my heterosexuality, but given the fact that there are certain guys I would willingly date if I were gay or they were female, I kind of have to question myself. The idea of kissing a guy doesn't particularly bother me anymore, all though it did alot some time ago. I don't think I could have any kind of sex with any guy, though. weird, huh.

Don't bother going
Not to good for anyone
I'm just not worth that