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Aug 31, 2004


Here's Ben and Sophie. Ben, you're looking silly there. I wonder if you'd look like that if you knew i was going to post this? Probably. I know I would have. :)

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hey, here's ben and sophie, chillin' on the chair (again...). Sophie wants ben's chicken. crazy cat.

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okay, so all those "cards" below are from a game, 1,000 blank white cards. it's a badass game, and I'd refer you to a page on how the game works.

After you've done that, read all of the cards below. I'd suggest trying the game sometime, it's fun.

If you can't read a card, leave a comment. you can click on the cards to see a bigger version.

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arguably the funniest and worst card, ever. Amanda made it because the other day wes used the bathroom- REALLY used the bathroom, and then shut all the doors. oh, man. let me tell you, it's better if you let the smell dissipate.....

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one of amandas, a tornado.

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one of wes' cards.

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here's one of mine, modeled on the classic "Stick figure genocide."

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here's one of wes' cards.

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again, an old classic that had to be remade. I don't know who made this one- erin maybe? anyway, credit all goes to them

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this is one of nikki's.

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one of amandas. :-!

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I'm not sure how legible this one is, but it's the funky chicken of death! personally, I would have worded it "doom," but hey.

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thanks to my nerdy friends for this one- I recreated it for the game tonight, but the credit for its original creation goes to Erin or Adam, I think

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this is an older one of mine, bargain brands. I had to remake it.

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this is one of wes'. there are two weses, and this effects them both... if only this game wasn't so silly.

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this one is one of mine.

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pop clock 

The Population Clock.

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hey amanda, this one's totally for you. want to apologize to a cow? do it here, at 'Sorry, Cow.'

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listening to an old Live cd of Nirvana, and contemplating the red spot under my right eye. I apparently scratched and poked and prodded a bit too much, and now I've got a little spot that's going to be red for a while.

In other news, Albertson's called me and I have an interview on Wednesday. that's good for me- I need a job, and HAVE needed a job, for far too long. That's because I'm lazy (Thanks to me, only me and extra thanks goes to- me.) and don't really have much drive to look around that hard.

Well, I got an interview. I suppose once I get the job I'll actually have to go, won't I? crap, by saying "once I get it" I'm probably jinxing myself, but Michael seems to think my odds are pretty high- he's the one who suggested me, and I figure I can get hired if he can. :)



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I got a haircut today.
It's too short now, much too short, thanks to myself- because I was cutting it.
I htought the hair buzzer wasn't set on the proper length, but no, it was clogged. sooooo.... when I did manage to get it to cut much of anything...it was waaay too short in one spot.
Too late to turn back, I had Ben shave the rest of it off for me (thanks ben. you rock. and I still think we should open a restaurant somewhere....), so now it's all at half of an inch.
It's been there before- so it's okay, but I wanted it at (or so I thought) 3/4 of an inch.

I probably want it at a little more than an inch, apparently my hair was a little longer than I thought it had been (oh well, it all hides up there, somehow).

The one good thing about hair is- it grows back out. so, in another month or so, it will be the length I want it, and that's cool for me. It's not a big deal, when you have as much sex appeal as I do, it's hard to go wrong.

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Aug 30, 2004

"Easily the biggest change because of this is to my motto; I think I have to add a qualifier now. I still don't like people in general, but I love them in particular."

me, too. very much so.


*sigh* and I feel bad, because at least one of them I haven't even ben hanging out with. :) (yeah, I left the other "e" out on purpose. and yes, I know I'm lame please don't tell me again.)



meh. do you ever get the feeling it's all just a dream that you can't wake up from? I don't. but it doesn't mean I like some parts of it.

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YES!!!!
man, I absolutely love good ol' sarcastic humor.

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wow. does life get any more interesting than this?

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Aug 29, 2004

quick update... 

let's see, a quick update.

I started messing with hello, and got some pictures posted below. you can click on them to view a larger version.

had an interesting conversation with brandon on quantum mechanics and basic particles, after which I went out and looked up some stuff to see if I was right.
so, here are your random facts for the day-

baryon particles are large particles (like protons and neutrons, those are the most common) that are made up of quarks. I wasn't sure what a baryon was before, but I remembered the term.

Tachyons are particles that (theoretically, no one has either found them or been able to create an experiment in which enough energy has been released to create them) move faster than the speed of light. they have a couple of weird properties- for instance, the more energy they lose, the faster they go.
so a tachyon with zero energy will be moving at an infinite speed- that is, a "transcendent" speed. it will be everywhere at once.
Charged tachyons will give off cerenkov radiation, which is basically visible light. if they do that, they lose energy and accelerate...

tachyons are weird. read more here.

watched the last indiana jones movie, argued, and rex got misplaced on the way to pick up the parents at the airport.
spent some time cleaning, too. other than that, I don't know.



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all the amandas I know think she's cute. there isn't a disenting vote. :D
and we'll finish it off with superhero sophie.

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this is the wall to the left of my desk, it's kinda cluttered up there.
you'll notice the bebop and fight club posters- but from there I'll give you a tour. (you can spot the gas mask on your own)

to the right of the bebop poster (top) are some 20 MM shells that came out of my grandad's garage.

below that is a picture of a Minuteman missle (it's the rocket cone, anyway). It WAS a classified picture at one point. I don't think it is anymore. I found that one in my grandad's garage, too.

below that is a picture of esprit, which is harder to see (she's the white siamese, there)
and below that is an impossible to see photo of michael, evan, james downing, rex, daniel, erin and myself from ages ago. I don't know- summer before Senior year, maybe? which would make it 3 and a half (at least) years old.
Then there's a picture of kelly (one of my dogs) slightly to the right of that.
Below those is another picture of the minuteman missle (inside a transport erector truck that's tipped over)
and to the LEFT of that and below the bebop poster is a picture erin drew a long time ago. It's a bat, I think. I'm not sure really what's going on there, it's abstract, you'd have to ask the artist, but I liked it enough to leave it in the collection of "art that will go on my wall no matter what condition it's in," so it stays.

starting back at the top- impossible to see- are two hot wheels cars I thought looked cool.
below those is a picture of a IM-99 Bomarc Interceptor missle taking off (I somehow doubt we're using those anymore, it's cold war era).
below that is a large black and white print of Aslan,
and below that (I've moved the books, now- but it's hard to see in this picture...) is a black and white hand with it's finger on a chess piece. don't strain your eyes- but the left half is pencil and the right half is an actual photo, that's why it looks funny.

that's all for that part of the room.

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Here's sophie. She's wearing a napkin that was liberated (yeah... liberated sounds better, though) from a restaurant as if it's a cape. I don't know how much she liked it, but we thought it was funny. and she did run around in it some, so she couldn't have hated it TOO much.

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Aug 28, 2004

so Emily comes back in from the porch tonight (we all cooked dinner, and then watched Indiana Jones) and says there's a huge caterpillar out on the tree outside.
Of course, I have to go look. Sure enough, it's about an inch and a half long, for a caterpillar- that's pretty big:
picture property of Clemson University.

It's an Io caterpillar (Automeris Io), and right as I'm grabbing it off the branch, I remember one important thing about the Io caterpillar- it's venomous.

"This large and colorful caterpillar can cause painful skin eruption (dermatitis) when handled.

IO larvae possess many venomous spines (urticarial hairs) on their body and must be handled with care. The conspicuous red and white stripe which runs the length of the larva on each side is a good identification character.

IO caterpillars are found on cotton, oaks, poplars, and many other deciduous trees and herbaceous plants."

Right as I grab it, I remember that it's venomous, and let it go. Of course, it's too late, and I'm allready nailed in two fingers.

I'm not getting the skin eruption, but it was about as bad as a bee sting, maybe a little worse- without the stinger sitting in your skin (which makes bee stings worse)

Anyway, it was a pretty cool thing to see- they aren't that common (partly because there aren't that many people who turn over leaves all day just for fun...) to find.

The caterpillar is happily on its tree right now, munching away.

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Aug 26, 2004

where the HELL are my friends to talk to, when I need them!? jesus. to make matters worse, I can't write on my novel right now, AT ALL! it's like- losing microsoft word for as long as I did- it killed something. I swear, losing two chapters- having to rewrite all that- I don't want to. I DON'T WANT TO DO IT! and that pisses me off- I didn't write all of that for nothing- even if it doesn't get published, but god dammit, it PISSES ME OFF. and it makes me tired.

But I can't sleep.
dammit, tracy, why do you have to wake up for work and class?
dammit, Michael why haven't you frigging called me! I'm going crazy here, man!
Jeez Ben, I could frigging talk to you, but NO, you have a "normal sleep schedule." jerk.


ARG!!! that didn't even BEGIN to cover it. I want to rant to the brink of dawn. I want to kill things. I want butcher paper to put all over my god damned walls with writing line outs on it. I want to write my novel scene by scene and include the details later. I WANT MY PROBLEMS TO SOLVE THEMSELVES.

One of the books I have on writing- it says that you shouldn't pound and pound on an idea when it doesn't work, you'll just get more frustrated. That's true, it really is. but at the same time, I am so frustrated right now.

I just need to relax. draw a map. spell it out.

The other problem I'm running into is a problem of time. I've started writing everything in first person present, and that's NOT how it was, before. growl.
on top of that, I don't have anything interesting to read, and I can't even seem to write another short story right now. Speaking of short stories, I wrote one and put it on the writing blog for all of you to enjoy. riiight.



Everything is spinning right now, it WILL settle down, but I'm being impatient.

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maybe it's just me, but I really HATE the sound of my own voice. and watching myself on video, too. does anyone else hate that stuff?




It's like hating what you write. everyone else likes it, but I hate it.

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A new planet was discovered. not a big deal, generally- except for this-

"The new planet, called TrES-1, is a gas giant about the size of Jupiter, located in the constellation Lyra ("the lyre"). It orbits its star about once every three days at a distance of just 4 million miles, much closer and faster than the planet Mercury goes around our sun, giving it a temperature of around 1,500 degrees F (815.55C). "
(article)


A three day year? geez.


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Aug 25, 2004

Existentialism 

also, I decided to read a collection of Jean-Paul Sartre just for kicks. I knew more or less what he thought, but once you get past the crazy and ridiculous writing style/form, it's pretty interesting stuff. I'd say I believe a lot of the "existential" doctrines.

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it's always nice to meet new people 

So i was walking around in the commons parking lot the other night when some people ALSO walking in the parking lot stopped me and said hey. I recognized them, and they me- they are our neighbors, more or less- always sitting out on their porch. we talked out on the sidewalk for probably an hour, and they're pretty cool people. Graham, and perhaps Christine?
Anyway, they are both interested in Herpetology, so I FINALLY got to have a good conversation with someone- it was pretty fun. we just kinda chatted, got to know one another- they like poker and cards, too.
Said to come by whenever, and I might do that- or maybe invite them over here. Guys, (refering to my roommates, there) we should have a poker night, some time!

I honestly forgot to mention that I'm "taking the semester off." How silly of me- one of them is, as well. hmmmm... that's amusing to me- I don't care if people know or not.
Oh well.
Anyway, it's cool to meet new people. especially cool ones. sooo, I'll have to hang out with them some time.

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Aug 20, 2004

relief? 

got the apartment stuff taken care of- sold my soul to the devil- put up an evil and screwish over setup- all that. James and Ben, I don't deserve you guys at all. Thanks.

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Aug 19, 2004

Word finally installed. my house could burn down now, and I wouldn't care that much.
!!! yay. what a bright spot in an otherwise crappy week.!


had a philosophical debate last night of immense portions. mostly old debate things again, maybe a waste.

anyway, good times

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I've been trying to install Microsoft Word for a while now, with no success.

last night, I tried installing James' copy of Microsoft Word 2000. it got my hopes way up. yep, bad move on my part.
After an hour of not being able to install it because the product code was wrong- I finally get it started installing.
You'd all think- at this point- that maybe I'd get somewhere. sorry to let all of us down- but, no. I get the same damned error- 1335- the office1.cab file is corrupt.

I decide to search a bit and see WHY this mght be; why would it give me this error twice- from two different CDs?
Microsoft had something about a possible solution- copy all the files from the cd to your hard drive, try again.
No, that didn't work either.
Do you have any idea how depressing it is for this to happen? it's kinda like if you're a musician, and someone steals your instrument. I mean, you can use someone else's instrument, but it SUCKS. It sucks. My computer- that's where the majority of my writing is. If I can't use it to write- what's the point in having it?

After this third (new) attempt, I stumble into the kitchen, get the Limeade concentrate out of the freezer, a bit of ice, some sprite, and a tiny bit of lemonade- and throw it in the blender. After a moments thought, I decide that the bottle of Sauza Tequila looks like ti needs to be finished off.
I pour the contents of the bottle (something like 8 or 9 shots worth) into the mess in the blender, hit the power button, and take the entire damned blenderful back to my computer. 5 cups worth- it gives the expression "40 oz. to freedom" some sort of meaning to me, now.
I sit in front of the computer,tell it to try ONE more time, and drink from the blender a bit too quickly. After a slight bout with brainfreeze and some pressure on the roof of my mouth to allieviate it, I get the same damned error. Same. Damned. Error.
Now, At this point, I read the message again. this is prbably (in all honesty) at least the fourteenth time I've seen the message. It says "may be a problem with the CD or a network error."
what the hell is a network error? how can my Office1.CAB file, which is far as I can tell- IS the cabinet file that makes up all of word- HOW CAN THAT be CORRUPT???
So I say to myself, "Erik, if Microsoft Word..."I don't get any farther- I burst into a series of giggles that puts my head on the table. I just don't care anymore- I'm drunk and frigging tired, there's not much left in the blender- and my bout of depression seems to be gone.
I get up, the blender's going in the freezer because I don't want to get sick- and I stumble across my very arthretic dog who's taking up the entire damned kitchen floor.
She just kinda looks at me, and I let out a random giggle. I shut the freezer with an uneven care, and start TRYING to head up the stairs. Thankfully, I've always lived in a house with stairs- I don't know what I'd do otherwise.
I fall asleep fast- no diziness at all. Just utterly tired, and amused at the ridiculousness of my plight.
No hangover in the morning, lucky me. Sophie, however, thinks she needs some food, and decides the best way to let me know is by jumping onto my bladder. ooooohhhh, cat, get off my stomach. that's NOT acceptable this morning, NO way.

The day goes okay, though. Wes woke me up with a call, so I hang out there for the majority of the day, Cook some dinner, see Raymond, not so bad.

Fill out an application for Albertsons online, so I can work with Michael.

But the entire day- shaded with this crappy, CRAPPY undertone of "you can't write anything anywhere where it can be revised easily."

I. Hate. this.

Plus, there's always something else to have me all tangled- Always something.

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Aug 17, 2004

eeeeck.....


"I don't do anything except play this one video game. I don't go outside really. I don't see anybody. I'm just here."


Is change really that hard? I suppose it is.

This is someone I know- talking about Final Fantasy XI. It's just kind of sad that they are throwing everything away it.

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I started writing a short story and then just discarded it- it wasn't going the way I wanted... it didn't FEEL the way I wanted it to feel.

SHIT! I NEED Microsoft Word! I need it, or another writing program, like some people need niccotine, or THC, or alcohol. What kind of BULL is this!?

I started- STARTED- to write a couple more chapters in my book. STARTED. I'm introducing some new ideas, slowly- but they don't FIT yet. I HATE that........SO much. they don't fit. The field messes with genetics, first- haven't worked it all out, yet. but that's one. and the other I've been tossing around for a while- not new by any standards. No, not gonna talk about it right now. :!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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PROGRESSIVE ROCK — a style that combines rock, classical, psychedelic and literary elements — was born in the late '60s with art-rock bands like Pink Floyd and King Crimson, whose albums typically featured 7 to 10 minutes songs with shifting time signatures and evolving musical themes.


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you know, I went through a bunch of my old writing stuff- before the world stopped being the U.S.- and I found some pretty cool (so I think) descriptions that are more my style. I don't know exactly where that is, yet.... but I'm workin' on it.

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Aug 16, 2004

no, no... emotional suicide was wrong because you can't do it more than once. haha. how funny. and I'm sure everyone has no idea what I'm talkin' about.

what am I talking about, anyway?

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Aug 15, 2004

Brenden, my step brother, came by to play a card game with us tonight. He is going back to Oregon on Tuesday, and it's good to hang out with him before he leaves.

Man, I think I like most of my step family better than my biological family... whatevah.

Michael talked to his manager, and is working on getting me a job at his albertsons. which is pretty cool. we'll see how that works out...


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Aug 14, 2004

life. 

yesterday there was an itch under my right thumbnail. do you have any idea how much that sucks?!?!?

wait- now i know you are most likely thinking "why does that suck so much? why did you target that, specifically, to complain about? just scratch it!"

Amanda told me that when I yelled DAMMIT loudly, and proceeded to bash my right hand against a table. she said, "hey, scratch it!" and she made scratchy motions- in the thin air where my right thumbnail should be.

do you have any idea how much that sucks?! I doubt any of you will ever be "amputees" or WHATEVER for any reason- and I'm glad this is amusing you thanks- but if you ever are, maybe you'll understand just how much it sucks to have a part of yourself itch that no longer exists.

on the other hand (man I'm glad I'm not trying to pun), I'm proud of myself- because I kick ass. right thumb or no, I can do it all anyway. even thumb war.
granted- it was someone drunk I beat in thumb wars, but still.
it is amusing that every finger on my right hand is as strong as two on the left, though. it's amazing how nature will make up for things, if you'll let it. and the span between my first and middle fingers on my right hand is greater than the span on the left.....
man, I love plasticity.

yeah, yeah, laugh while you have the chance.

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*sigh........*

don't you just hate it when you're in a situation- and there's something to say- but it's pointless useless won't accomplish anything and in fact will only make the situation worse?
but you really, REALLY, want to say it, whatever "it" IS?
it's like knowing someone is wrong, but knowing if you say so they'll just get angry, or refuse to listen.
it's like wanting, WANTING to tell the honest truth when it will just dig a hole and bury you flat.
it's like wanting to tell someone that they have an absolutely monstrous zit on their face, but you just can't.
okay, so that one was a crappy example of what I mean.
it's like so many things. but it isn't one of them.

.....

the washing machine in the apartment that I'm in the process of moving into has an interesting problem- the metal on the inside ring is all corroded- so, washing clothes in it is FUN. it leaves highly corroded metal (I have no idea what kind) on the clothes, which is truly awEsome.

.... and the kitchen light doesn't work, either. and it's nothing I personally can fix. which sucks.

Amanda got a new stereo for her car- except that either a fuse is currently blown or it wasn't grounded properly. I'm gonna look at it later and see if I can't fix it...

Erin and Adam (or Adam and Erin? does anyone know? I mean, is there a rule? alphabetical or not, folks?) are takin' off for grinnell on the 19th,

and I just want to scream something at someone totally different.


me and James talked about bisexual experiences. that was interesting.
the big question is- are we naturally not bisexual, or is it because society has filled our heads with lots of bull?
I don't know. but it would just be unnerving to have a bisexual experience with a guy- even one who was "cool" enough- or whatever.

man. I don't know why I even mutter about anything.


*sigh........*



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sitting on a carousel ride
without any music or light.

everything was closed at coney island,
and i
could not help from smiling.

i can hear the atlantic echo back
roller coaster screams from summers past.

and everything was closed at coney island,
and i
could not help from smiling.

brooklyn will fill in the beach eventually
and everyone will go except me.

Death Cab for Cutie- "Coney Island"


you should listen to it sometime. the lyrics don't make it clear, but the song is beautiful.


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Aug 13, 2004

"climbing
building us up
tearing me down
lifted back up we are climbing
all of this time
drifting right back to the ground

suddenly, suddenly, suddenly, suddenly

questioning, and saying
our opinions, they're failing
they're constantly changing
our ignorance, remaining
we're hoping, and waiting
we're living, but dying
while tring to find out
my meaning isn't planned out
come to the conclusion
might as well be an illusion
while trying to find out
i did nothing, but shut out"


"Yatahaee" from Dredg's Lietmotif

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Aug 11, 2004

detumesced- to reduce in size or swelling? tumescent is swollen or swelling, anyway.

there are weird words out there.

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Aug 10, 2004

OH. MY. GOD.  

The following is a letter written from a local troop of Boyscouts in Norman, OK, to my little brother. I don't know what the HELL someone was thinking when they wrote this letter- or- simply titled it, but I'll post it below here.

"Dear Unique Products of the Norman School System,

About this time each summer I send a note to the students who made the Honor Roll during the last semester of this year for the 8th, 9th, 10th, and 1th grades. The purpose of this letter is to tease out any latent interest in medicine by letting you know of the existence of the Norman Regional Hospital sponsored Boy Scouts of America Medical Explorer Post 901."

It goes on in this vein, discussing the purpose of the Explorer Post. I suppose the actual point isn't a bad one, but the header is enough to make me want to shred the letter, unread, and send it back in scraps to its writer.
Dear Unique PRODUCTS of the Norman School System.
I am so thouroughly impressed I can't even think right now. Unique Products?!??!? I know that schools are agents of socialization- but kids these days are PRODUCTS of the school system?
Isn't the point of socialization to make you fit in- and not to point itself out? isn't that somewhat antithetical? "Oh, by the way, you're socialized and we made you fit in. here's a letter appreciating what a great job your school system has done."
I absolutely love this- I also wasn't aware that our School System, the (as of last time I checked) 48th BEST school system of the 50 states (that is, the VERY BOTTOM) , was responsible for our "production."
You got the honor roll- that's the SCHOOL'S responsibility. They MADE you a Unique "product." And what a compliment it is to be called a unique product of the Norman School system. wow, what a great job you guys did, turning out a couple honor students among all your failures.
I could keep writing about Socialization and "Unique Products," but it'd just make me feel like killing myself.

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I take it back. 

all the criticisms I've made about my hair going salt and pepper- I take it back. I think it's just now starting to look cool.

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SO useless. useless. 


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Now the BAD news. 

Sophie, one of the greatest cats EVER, has FIV- that's Feline AIDS. it pretty much sucks.
I've had a cat with FIV before- Spice- and she lived for about 5 years with it. the last year, however, was miserable, she was always sick, and she ended up crawling into a box and dying finally, alone, upstairs.
Thinking about it breaks my heart- she was the best cat- EVER. ever.
My mom totally freaked out when the Vet said that's what the bloodwork said- because Sophie has been with my other three cats for 2 and a half or three months, now, and it's most likely that she got it when she was "running rampant" at the Commons. Courtney did mention that Sophie was sick a lot when Dan and her first got Sophie.... so maybe she's had it.

I told mom not to worry, that it was unlikely the other cats had it- because the truth is that FIV is very hard to transmit. the ONLY time I've seen any blood drawn between the cats is when Esprit got Sophie's ear and Sophie jerked away- they haven't bled on each other (pretty much what it takes, especially among nuetered/spayed cats), but inside myself, while I'm sitting here tired, I fear going through this again.
Spice was so sick for the last year of her life, she could barely eat, her immune system was so weak that she had ear mites that wouldn't go away because her ears wouldn't heal.... She was miserable... and I would wake up in the morning with blood on my sheets where she had shaken her head....
I won't throw too much more of that in there, no one really wants to read it.

Losing a cat is like losing a family member. and I don't want to have to sit there and watch sophie go into a decline and finally die with every illness a cat can get. I love that cat. and I'd do almost anything to take her FIV away, but she's got it.

Hopefully she'll not get too sick until she's allready very old- and when she does, if I still have her, I'll take the best care possible- but going through that is painful. it's watching a family member die slowly. I'll do it, I couldn't, wouldn't, get rid of anyone, ANYTHING, to avoid the pain of that- but it still sucks.

Here's hoping none of your cats ever get Feline AIDS. shit, here's hoping none of you get AIDS, for that matter....


I keep telling myself it always goes uphill from here, but the low points can sometimes be really low...

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Ramblings, RAMBLINGS 

allrighty, I'd like to thank Blogger and Google for whooping inordinate amounts of ass. thanks guys, you rule. a lot. I like the set up of my new blog- but I don't like the way the template was written out to begin with... meh

I put up a new blog, my writing stuff. it's pretty ridiculous, I truly have no idea what all I'll put in there, I just wrote some crappy post about who influenced me some and what things are like. I'm sure I'll add more.
I'm currently listening to this huge mix of music that I generally put on while playing starcraft. While you're playing starcraft, you don't pay attention to the music quite as much, but now that I'm writing instead, I'm listening to it. I apparently included a crapload of fairly depressing songs. Like Moby's "Everloving," that's on right now and I'd say it's depressing as hell- but then Play is probably the most depressing cd for me, EVER.
Give Jars of Clay, Porcupine Tree, Ben Folds, Dredg, The Goo Goo Dolls, Tool, The Postal Service, Deathcab for Cutie, Wilco, and David Gray all a shot, I'd say. they're some of my favorites, I suppose. it's hard to keep track of them all.
right now it's "Truce" by Jars of Clay. I'm sure you all wanted the ridiculous by-play of what I'm listening to, so as long as this is gonna be, I'll keep saying. Man, I don't need to be stoned to be totally impressed with this song :D.
You ever get on AIM right as someone you wanted to talk to leaves? you can see their little name in italics and faded, and you're like "well SHIT." but there's nothing you can do.
It's like passing a friend on the street while driving- "damn I wanted to talk to them but..."
Now it's "All the Feeling" by Ester Drang. this is allright, too.

If I thought half of you would read all of this, I'd post my bad news here, but as it is, I think I'm gonna start a new post for that...

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:-/ 

not having microsoft word SUCKS. very much. it's pretty anoying that I can't write whenever the heck I want- regardless of internet....

All I've got is my notebook, but I can type so much faster.... and I like typing better anyway. don't know why.... anyway, I might just take Ben's advice and open up a tertiary blog for all my writing....

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Aug 8, 2004

what bullshit. I hate the AIM TODAY pop up window with the news and all the "rate-a-buddy" crap. bullshit.
Okay, so really it's just crappy news I hate, but apparently AOL doesn't mind supplying that.

This came from Great Britian's Sleep and Advisory Service, and wow. it reads like a horoscope. or the answers to a really crappy personality test.

"Sleep Position Reveals Your Personality
The position in which you sleep at night--whether it's all curled up in a fetal position or sprawled out across the bed--reveals your personality, Reuters reports of new research from Britain's Sleep Assessment and Advisory Service.

Led by Chris Idzikowski, the team has identified six common sleep positions and the personalities of the people who sleep that way. "We are all aware of our body language when we are awake, but this is the first time we have been able to see what our subconscious says about us," he told Reuters.

The six basic sleeping positions and the personality traits:



Sleep Position No. 1: Crouched in the fetal position: Shy and sensitive

Sleep Position No. 2: Soldier position flat on the back with arms at the sides: Quiet and reserved

Sleep Position No. 3: On the side with legs outstretched and arms down: Social and easy-going

Sleep Position No. 4: On the side with legs outstretched and arms outstretched: Suspicious

Sleep Position No. 5: Flat on the tummy with hands at the sides of the head: Brash and gregarious

Sleep Position No. 6: On the back with outstretched arms and legs: Unassuming and a good listener"


what the hell? maybe this has some truth, but the sheer lack of information is amazing. no statistics, no counts, number of people who fit vs. those who don't-
and hell- I generally sleep in two different positions- so do I fit both??? are they saying this is the dominant trait?
I LOVE the description for no 4- Suspicious. what the hell??? did you mean shady? I don't get it- a suspicious character? that's great.
It's just like those crappily written personality tests, or the horoscopes that tell you how you act based upon when you were born. The trick is that ANYONE could fit half of these qualities half the time- so I'd like to see some more research, but they don't have any "read more" link whatsoever- what bull.

and the aim rate-a-buddy thing. that's great. one of the captions said something like "all the guys think I'm wild and sexy and all the girls want my body and brains" and then you're supposed to rate them.
that's great- because by looking at a picture of somebody in a bathing suit I was TOTALLY supposed to judge how frigging INTELLIGENT they were. that's a good one.
and why the fuck do you care what someone halfway across the god damn country thinks of you, anyway? if the people where you live hate you because you're a bitch, chances are, everybody else will too, once they get to know you. but no, I totally forgot that you can decide on how intelligent/nice someone is by a picture.
I hate things. so much.


so then I did a search, and I found a site with MUCH more descriptive lines for sleep positions. and the headline there was "Sleeping Position reveals personality CLUE. wow. wording differences are massive.

this one isn't so badly written.
AOL news sucks balls.



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James, did you know about all these Wilco Albums? I suppose you probably did, but jeez, I didn't. do you know if any of them are good? if I remember I'll ask you tommorow.

here they are. all one million of them.

that's a bunch.

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Rex would be offended, but Ester Drang is the band you'd get if you had Trent Reznor writing lyrics (like some of the ones off of The Fragile) for an inde band that doesn't sound industrial in any way, and then you gave those said lyrics to some musicians who are good but have a formula for every song- they lyrics don't start until at least 25 seconds into EVERY song.

Not that any of that means they are a bad band. I think they're okay. maybe even good. but if you read the lyrics, they read just like half the Nine Inch Nails songs I've heard.

that's all.

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Peter May is a kick ass photographer.

Peter May is a great photographer. So is my brother Rex, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to post anything of his on here- I'd need a scanner, at the least. He did some awsome shots of a Western Diamondback.

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"WASHINGTON, DC—In the interest of national security, President Bush has been asked to stop posting entries on his three-month-old personal web log, acting CIA director John E. McLaughlin said Monday."



some of the stuff the onion posts is just great.
wow. it's too bad bush doesn't really have a blog.

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Good ol' Days 

I'm really grooving on burnout2, again. and Ben Folds. nothing like listening to music that's not exactly new and saying wow, this is great.

"Everybody knows
it hurts to grow up,
and everybody does

it's so weird to be back here,
and let me tell you what
the years go on,
and we're still fighting it
we're still fighting it"



what the hell happened to my sleep schedule?

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Aug 7, 2004

Nikki: oh thank god
Nikki: i figured it out
Nikki: it needed to be changed to full monde
Nikki: mode
Nikki: ahaha wow i screwed that word up


people make me laugh. I'm glad all my friends are coming back to Norman.

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every fight we've ever had, and you're still a cool guy in my book, James. don't forget it. :) It'll always be that way.

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Aug 5, 2004

Copacetic.



learnin something new every day.

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Some people really spoil me. :)

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I realized that I ALWAYS employ the "bookcover" principle (that's what I call it), that is, "don't judge a book by its cover." I never have judged that way, and I don't think I ever will. I don't care how people look or dress. but I judge what they look like on the inside very harshly VERY. huh.


Ever name a band as a favorite, and then, years later, realize that there were entire records of theirs you'd never heard? "Much Afraid" is badass. I can't believe I never listened to it. Jars of Clay still kicks it hardcore.

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Aug 4, 2004

Garam Masala. Taste of India. stuff. 

got a recipe for Garam Masala to write down here. it's sorta mine. sorta. you folkses should use it sometime. it's a spice mixture; so only use it if you rule. okay, so must of you really shouldn't be using it. sorry.

"Garam Masala!"
10 parts cumin

3 parts cinnamon
2 parts cloves
2 parts cardamom
2 parts bay leaves
1 part black pepper

(thanks to Deepak, possibly THE best cook I know, for that.)

All of that is ground up. together. it makes for a kick-ass spice mixture. (Masala means mixture. I don't know what language that is.)

I thought of putting this down here because I talked to the guy at taste of india today. I didn't really make it clear that I wanted to be hired as some sort of an apprentice cook, and I don't think he really thinks I know as much as I know about cooking. Or, perhaps I don't know as much as I think I do, but he STILL doesn't think I know much about cooking. I think. which is amusing, because I probably could cook most of the recipes they cook once- the first time- and remember. I cook a lot of similar foods.
but, I digress. what I am trying to get at is this- MAYBE, MAYBE, if he realizes that I indeed can cook, and DON'T suck, then just maybe I can say "hey, want another cook? I'll not take much pay." and maybe he'll say "hey, this kid knows what he's doing. or at least he seems to." and then MAYBE I'll have a job- the best damned job (for me) in Norman, regardless of pay.

Do you know how much that would kick ass?

What was the point of writing out that recipe? All they can do is admire your genius and say, "Man, I wish I could cook that well."



"He's really full of himself today, isn't he?"

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Man. I just sat there and wrote out a couple pages of short story and then decided I hated it. oh well. and then there was this- a minor (but annoying) flaw in my story.
Here it is, in all of its glory, and for those of you who have had the misfortune of NOT reading any of my story, I feel sorry for you. it should be on shelves under the possible title of A Cast of Shadows by 2010. of course, I might be getting ahead, or behind of, myself.


"How did they treat you?" I asked.
"Very carefully," Saryn replied. "They have a lot of misconceptions about 'witches.'" She rolled her eyes at the last word, and seemed slightly annoyed or upset.


Right. I know you're thinking to yourself, "Wow. that makes NO sense." sure, it doesn't- in THIS context. so I'll clear it up with another excerpt! (Saryn's one of my main characters... or something.)

"Still dizzy? I'm Saryn, who are you?" Saryn held out a hand in greeting, but something drew my attention to her eyes. They were a soft luminescent orange in color, and they seemed infinitely deep.
Confused, I took her outstretched hand, and she squeezed it once, and then released it.
"You mean you don't know who I am?" I half blurted, half stumbled out of my mouth.
She appraised me more closely. The scrutiny was somewhat unnerving, her eyes seemed to rotate between soft orange and golden yellow. "No. You arrived right after the other guy, Finder, did."
The answer wasn't exactly cryptic, but it didn't explain anything, either.
"What do you mean, arrived?"
She looked down, and shrugged."I really don't know," she said. "I was reading in my room when it felt like I had been swallowed by great, dizzying darkness. Seconds later, I was here. A couple moments after that, Finder arrived."
I swallowed this piece of strange information, and paused for a moment, waiting for my mind to come up with a good question.
"Finder?"
"That's what he calls himself. He didn't offer any other name."
I closed my eyes for a moment. Then I opened them again. "Wait. You remember getting here?"
Saryn brushed some stray hair out of her eyes. Her hair was short, and kind of a reddish-blonde in color. It looked fairly bright against her pale skin. "Yes. I remember what I was doing, and then, suddenly, here I was…" She trailed off, looking at me expectantly.
I didn't know if I had ever seen anyone with eyes like hers, but they were both alluring and unnerving at the same time.
"Why do your eyes look like that?" I asked.
She looked at me sharply, as if examining my words for rancor. She shrugged. "They've always been that way. You don't remember how you got here?"
I shook my head.

Right. NOW I know you're thinking "wow, this needs to be cleaned up. I agree. but, the point I'm making is this. Saryn's eyes are a solid color, or something. They do change, and ripple, and have strange "efffects" (for instance, the phrase "Her eyes glowed with excitement" is now very literal, yay!), but they mostly stay a single shade- not marbled, or anything like that. mostly. I'm still working it out.
Now, I took care of this problem here--

I shrugged, and looked at her. She stared off into the distance, and a ripple-like effect seemed to spread over her eyes. It was slightly distracting, but I realized that if she had had normal eyes, they would have been glazing over. She looked at me, and the effect vanished as quickly as it had come.

The main character is able to discern that the ripple-like effect means she's zoning out, or deep in thought, &c. so, what kind of effect do I need to describe the eye-roll? I mean, when someone rolls their eyes, you're seeing the pupil, iris, lens, all that, go up, and around, in a circle. that means you're probably mostly seeing the whites at this point- I'm trying to get at the fact that there is an easy-to-discern-line-between the whites of your eyes, and the rest, the colored part.
Wow. that sentence sucked. ANYWAY.
Saryn doesn't have that line between her pupil and the rest- she has no visible pupil, iris, or "white" of the eye. I haven't figured out all the physics yet, and hell, I don't have to. (unfortunately, this little voice keeps screaming that I should....) but the point is- when she rolls her eyes, if you assume they are a single color (mostly) how can you tell? I suppose some people move their heads when they roll their eyes, but that doesn't cut it. I need something- something to make it unique, like the ripple effect. but not. maybe a swimming? or a swirling? I'll work on it.

Man. if you hated reading all that, don't be a writer. Seriously.



To Ben: "Impressive. Most impressive. Obi-Wan has taught you well *cough*"

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Aug 3, 2004

a much needed update 

who knows? we all grow up. we all change. but you know, it sucks a bit- looking back and seeing me as I was. I used to be all bouncy- and friendly to pretty much everyone. I'm still friendly, but that bouncy part of me that was almost happy go lucky is pretty much gone.

I'm not sure if that's bad, or good, but it sorta... sucks? I mean, that part of me either annoyed or charmed people- and sometimes annoyed me- but to lose it totally? is that just life jading me? I suppose.
It's funny, I was talking to some of brandon's little High School friends the other day, and I said "nothing really changes. the situations do, but nothing really changes."
it's true. I used to say that a lot- and not really totally understand it. but it doesn't change. chances are, my life won't be any better in ten years. it might be more stable- that's not neccesarilly better- it won't be much different.

I was reading about Eternal Recurrence the other day- it's this interesting existentialist "philosophy" that more or less states that all the possibilities are covered- you've done something (like lived this life) a million times before, and you will, a million times more.

I don't believe that I've sat here and written this post a billion and one times- but I do accept that there's nothing truly different about my life as opposed to, say, someone's life in Rome 2,000 years ago.
I have technology, but all my hopes, dreams, loves, hatreds, betrayals, anger, failures, hardships, addictions- it's all the same. no change.

I'm not saying that I don't aspire to something- I want a family, to become a successful writer, to be a good cook, all that. but will it be "better" when I finally reach those goals?
I don't think so. I think it will be the same- I'm not even sure I'll be happier. I'll have new goals, and new problems. Hence, nothing really changes. Situatiounally, yes.

I'm sure you all can point out flaws. I can think of a couple things people would mention. but did it REALLY change? did it REALLY get better? there will be shitty times later, it's all a balance.

this- all that, it doesn't mean I hate life- or think it has no purpose, or isn't worth living. that's almost the opposite.
I joke a lot about commiting suicide, killing myself this or killing myself that. Maybe it's because I'm not afraid of death that I joke that way. who knows, but I have no intentions of killing myself. Life has lots of meaning, and there are goals to accomplish, new goals to find. new people to meet, all that. it just doesn't really change.

Speaking of Death, that's something I wanted to hit on for a second.
Why be afraid of it? I'm not sure where I am going when I die- I don't believe in the Heaven pictured in the bible. Hell, I could cease to exist- but then, would I care? I suppose I'd care if I truly went to hell, but that's too easy an answer. too easy to decide that SOMEBODY happened to be right, a long time ago.

I'm afraid of a painful death, that would suck. and going to the really hardcore heaven where all I get to do is sing hymns to god's greatness all day. that would suck hardcore. But reincarnation, or, even nothingness, wouldn't be so bad. in either case, I wouldn't know or care.

Really, though, i'm curious of these people who are terrified of death and profess to KNOW where they are going when they die. (I've tried, and failed, to write out these thoughts 4 times before. so, this time I'm posting them.) If you KNOW you're going to Heaven, or GOING to be reincarnated, why be so afraid? Hell, you're more sure of where you are going than I am, so the idea of death should suck, but not terrify you.

People who freak out when others talk about death- that seems to imply that they are terrified of it. if you can't talk about something, chances are, it bugs you. get over it. people die. we ALL do. some of you shouldn't be concerned, you have your free meal ticket. or a new life. whatever it is you get.
I don't know. going to Heaven, that might suck, too. the idea of living forever bugs me. Now, I could do it Orson Scott Card Style and just go back to the void until someone needs a soul, or I could do it in the What Dreams May Come style and make my own heaven. that would be cool.
That's all for now, I don't have any more philosophies to offer. but everyone should read a little Existentialism.
A Primer to Existentialism

Wait, being a cow would suck, too. I don't know why anyone would want to be a cow. Moo.

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on a different note 

I haven't written anything where the public can see it in quite a while. I decided the short story that is becoming my book off of the public blog, so to speak, and it's coming along nicely. except for the crap I mentioned in the previous post.

I guess I'll write a short story, at some point, and post it on here, just to amuse myself, and everyone who bothers to read this. James, I know you check up on this site all the time becase you're incredibly bored (I know, you would do something else, but there's nothing better; and admit it. you get some sort of sick pleasure out of listening to your friends whine and bitch about stuff you've allready heard about.), and I know there are some others who check just because I never have another way to contact them...

wow. that sentence got too long.

basically, I don't care if any of you don't care about what I write here- I'll find something a little better than lame to write.

I wonder where I stand on offending people, these days. I used to think I cared, and then I didn't, and now I'm not too sure. somewhere in between.

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meh. I need a new game. and microsoft word back. basically.

I keep writing bits of chapters in my head, and it annoys me to no end that I cannot write them down in my word-processorless computer. it's total bull.
then my computer attempted to crash AGAIN earlier, and now it thinks Microsoft Works Suite came preinstalled on my computer.
what the hell? no, it didn't! I had to reformat, and I got rid of everything that was here, and replaced what I could. MICROSOFT works wouldn't INSTALL. so, why the HELL does it think it was there to begin with? what a piece! If I could just get Word to install, but no, I can't!!!!

Oh, right. and I reallllllly despise Microsoft now. I tried to reinstall Word Perfect so I'd at least have something to write on other than my notebook with pen/pencil, but NO, the frigging SERIAL number on the paper didn't even frigging fit!!!!
"Please enter the serial number that came with Word Perfect in the spaces below."

Well shit, I would, except the SERIAL NUMBER doesn't even fucking fit. and when I enter what is clearly labeled as "Serial Number," the numbers that DON'T fit, it says "The Serial Number you have entered is not valid."
tell me something I DON'T know. for god's sakes. I hate things, SO much.

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Aug 1, 2004

ho-ly-shit.
I'm watching Wolf's Rain right now, and I'm very impressed. It's produced by the people who did Bebop, and that's definitely my favorite anime of all time, and I'm likin' this one.
That's all for now.

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