Aug 4, 2004
Man. I just sat there and wrote out a couple pages of short story and then decided I hated it. oh well. and then there was this- a minor (but annoying) flaw in my story.
Here it is, in all of its glory, and for those of you who have had the misfortune of NOT reading any of my story, I feel sorry for you. it should be on shelves under the possible title of A Cast of Shadows by 2010. of course, I might be getting ahead, or behind of, myself.
"How did they treat you?" I asked.
"Very carefully," Saryn replied. "They have a lot of misconceptions about 'witches.'" She rolled her eyes at the last word, and seemed slightly annoyed or upset.
Right. I know you're thinking to yourself, "Wow. that makes NO sense." sure, it doesn't- in THIS context. so I'll clear it up with another excerpt! (Saryn's one of my main characters... or something.)
"Still dizzy? I'm Saryn, who are you?" Saryn held out a hand in greeting, but something drew my attention to her eyes. They were a soft luminescent orange in color, and they seemed infinitely deep.
Confused, I took her outstretched hand, and she squeezed it once, and then released it.
"You mean you don't know who I am?" I half blurted, half stumbled out of my mouth.
She appraised me more closely. The scrutiny was somewhat unnerving, her eyes seemed to rotate between soft orange and golden yellow. "No. You arrived right after the other guy, Finder, did."
The answer wasn't exactly cryptic, but it didn't explain anything, either.
"What do you mean, arrived?"
She looked down, and shrugged."I really don't know," she said. "I was reading in my room when it felt like I had been swallowed by great, dizzying darkness. Seconds later, I was here. A couple moments after that, Finder arrived."
I swallowed this piece of strange information, and paused for a moment, waiting for my mind to come up with a good question.
"Finder?"
"That's what he calls himself. He didn't offer any other name."
I closed my eyes for a moment. Then I opened them again. "Wait. You remember getting here?"
Saryn brushed some stray hair out of her eyes. Her hair was short, and kind of a reddish-blonde in color. It looked fairly bright against her pale skin. "Yes. I remember what I was doing, and then, suddenly, here I was…" She trailed off, looking at me expectantly.
I didn't know if I had ever seen anyone with eyes like hers, but they were both alluring and unnerving at the same time.
"Why do your eyes look like that?" I asked.
She looked at me sharply, as if examining my words for rancor. She shrugged. "They've always been that way. You don't remember how you got here?"
I shook my head.
Right. NOW I know you're thinking "wow, this needs to be cleaned up. I agree. but, the point I'm making is this. Saryn's eyes are a solid color, or something. They do change, and ripple, and have strange "efffects" (for instance, the phrase "Her eyes glowed with excitement" is now very literal, yay!), but they mostly stay a single shade- not marbled, or anything like that. mostly. I'm still working it out.
Now, I took care of this problem here--
I shrugged, and looked at her. She stared off into the distance, and a ripple-like effect seemed to spread over her eyes. It was slightly distracting, but I realized that if she had had normal eyes, they would have been glazing over. She looked at me, and the effect vanished as quickly as it had come.
The main character is able to discern that the ripple-like effect means she's zoning out, or deep in thought, &c. so, what kind of effect do I need to describe the eye-roll? I mean, when someone rolls their eyes, you're seeing the pupil, iris, lens, all that, go up, and around, in a circle. that means you're probably mostly seeing the whites at this point- I'm trying to get at the fact that there is an easy-to-discern-line-between the whites of your eyes, and the rest, the colored part.
Wow. that sentence sucked. ANYWAY.
Saryn doesn't have that line between her pupil and the rest- she has no visible pupil, iris, or "white" of the eye. I haven't figured out all the physics yet, and hell, I don't have to. (unfortunately, this little voice keeps screaming that I should....) but the point is- when she rolls her eyes, if you assume they are a single color (mostly) how can you tell? I suppose some people move their heads when they roll their eyes, but that doesn't cut it. I need something- something to make it unique, like the ripple effect. but not. maybe a swimming? or a swirling? I'll work on it.
Man. if you hated reading all that, don't be a writer. Seriously.
To Ben: "Impressive. Most impressive. Obi-Wan has taught you well *cough*"
Here it is, in all of its glory, and for those of you who have had the misfortune of NOT reading any of my story, I feel sorry for you. it should be on shelves under the possible title of A Cast of Shadows by 2010. of course, I might be getting ahead, or behind of, myself.
"How did they treat you?" I asked.
"Very carefully," Saryn replied. "They have a lot of misconceptions about 'witches.'" She rolled her eyes at the last word, and seemed slightly annoyed or upset.
Right. I know you're thinking to yourself, "Wow. that makes NO sense." sure, it doesn't- in THIS context. so I'll clear it up with another excerpt! (Saryn's one of my main characters... or something.)
"Still dizzy? I'm Saryn, who are you?" Saryn held out a hand in greeting, but something drew my attention to her eyes. They were a soft luminescent orange in color, and they seemed infinitely deep.
Confused, I took her outstretched hand, and she squeezed it once, and then released it.
"You mean you don't know who I am?" I half blurted, half stumbled out of my mouth.
She appraised me more closely. The scrutiny was somewhat unnerving, her eyes seemed to rotate between soft orange and golden yellow. "No. You arrived right after the other guy, Finder, did."
The answer wasn't exactly cryptic, but it didn't explain anything, either.
"What do you mean, arrived?"
She looked down, and shrugged."I really don't know," she said. "I was reading in my room when it felt like I had been swallowed by great, dizzying darkness. Seconds later, I was here. A couple moments after that, Finder arrived."
I swallowed this piece of strange information, and paused for a moment, waiting for my mind to come up with a good question.
"Finder?"
"That's what he calls himself. He didn't offer any other name."
I closed my eyes for a moment. Then I opened them again. "Wait. You remember getting here?"
Saryn brushed some stray hair out of her eyes. Her hair was short, and kind of a reddish-blonde in color. It looked fairly bright against her pale skin. "Yes. I remember what I was doing, and then, suddenly, here I was…" She trailed off, looking at me expectantly.
I didn't know if I had ever seen anyone with eyes like hers, but they were both alluring and unnerving at the same time.
"Why do your eyes look like that?" I asked.
She looked at me sharply, as if examining my words for rancor. She shrugged. "They've always been that way. You don't remember how you got here?"
I shook my head.
Right. NOW I know you're thinking "wow, this needs to be cleaned up. I agree. but, the point I'm making is this. Saryn's eyes are a solid color, or something. They do change, and ripple, and have strange "efffects" (for instance, the phrase "Her eyes glowed with excitement" is now very literal, yay!), but they mostly stay a single shade- not marbled, or anything like that. mostly. I'm still working it out.
Now, I took care of this problem here--
I shrugged, and looked at her. She stared off into the distance, and a ripple-like effect seemed to spread over her eyes. It was slightly distracting, but I realized that if she had had normal eyes, they would have been glazing over. She looked at me, and the effect vanished as quickly as it had come.
The main character is able to discern that the ripple-like effect means she's zoning out, or deep in thought, &c. so, what kind of effect do I need to describe the eye-roll? I mean, when someone rolls their eyes, you're seeing the pupil, iris, lens, all that, go up, and around, in a circle. that means you're probably mostly seeing the whites at this point- I'm trying to get at the fact that there is an easy-to-discern-line-between the whites of your eyes, and the rest, the colored part.
Wow. that sentence sucked. ANYWAY.
Saryn doesn't have that line between her pupil and the rest- she has no visible pupil, iris, or "white" of the eye. I haven't figured out all the physics yet, and hell, I don't have to. (unfortunately, this little voice keeps screaming that I should....) but the point is- when she rolls her eyes, if you assume they are a single color (mostly) how can you tell? I suppose some people move their heads when they roll their eyes, but that doesn't cut it. I need something- something to make it unique, like the ripple effect. but not. maybe a swimming? or a swirling? I'll work on it.
Man. if you hated reading all that, don't be a writer. Seriously.
To Ben: "Impressive. Most impressive. Obi-Wan has taught you well *cough*"
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