Massive and un-restrained title change was necessary

Keep a secret safe with three

If too many more know, you’ll set it free.

Points of interest:

Did you know that the Permian-Triassic Extinction event (also known as the great dying) killed 70 percent of all terestrial vertabrates, and 96 percent of ALL marine species? Just think about that for a second.

That the FBI has a software program called "Magic Lantern" that can be remotely installed on any computer connected to the internet, record every single thing typed on that computer, and then upload itself back to an FBI computer? I also might add that it was made sometime before 2001, meaning that it is AT LEAST 7 years old.

that binary code can be translated straight into text and then back again?

That YOU can write an unbreakable key using a "one-time" pad?

Thai chicken pizza

INTO THE OVEN:
1 Pizza dough (go to wal-mart and buy something pre-made. I don't remember the brand we use, but it doesn't make a whole lot of difference... mama somethin's. I'm not sure. some lady's name was on the packaging. OR maybe there wasn't a "mama" at all. that might have been wishful thinking on my part.)

1/2 cup duck or plum sauce (we use duck sauce. we actually haven't tried it with plum sauce. if you're making more than one you could try it this way, but I know for sure duck sauce works!)

1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes

one 10 oz bag monterey jack cheese (or around two cups... you can grate it yourself if you want. we always do. saves money.)

1/2 red bell pepper, cored, seeded, cleaned, and cut into strips

FOR THE CHICKEN:
1/2 pound of chicken breasts, cut into 1 inch pieces (or thereabouts)
1 tablespoon of vegetable oil
2 tablespoons of tamari soy sauce (we've actually always used kikkoman regular soy sauce, but the original recipe calls for tamari. I doubt there would be much of a difference)
1 rounded tablespoon smooth peanut butter (wal-mart brand works just fine)
2 teaspoons hot sauce (we are using wal-mart brand Louisiana hot sauce)
2 teaspoons montreal steak grill seasoning

CUCUMBER TOPPING:
1 cucumber, cut into matchsticks
2 tablespoons honey
2 tablespoons white vinegar

GARNISH:
4 chopped scallions (green onions)
1 cup bean sprouts (optional- I don't think we used it last time but damn it's good!)
1/4 cup roasted and chopped peanuts

preparation:

In a large bowl, mix together vegetable oil, soy sauce, hot sauce, peanut butter, and grill seasoning. Throw it into the microwave for a few seconds to melt the peanut butter (or melt it on the stove top, it doesn't make any difference). You don't want to zap it for too long- just long enough that the peanut butter is melted and mixes readily with the other ingredients.
Add the cleaned and cubed chicken, mix well, and let stand for 10 minutes. (You can let it marinate longer if you want. Just make sure to put it in the fridge if you do. :) )

preheat your oven to four hundred and twenty-five degrees fahrenheit.
Spread the duck sauce onto the pizza dough as if it were pizza sauce, and then sprinkle with red pepper flakes (make sure the red pepper flakes go on evenly, or you might be driving a weaker member of your party to the hospital!).
Top the pizza with cheese, and then throw the red bell pepper on. Throw the whole mess into the oven, and bake it until the crust golden brown and the cheese is melted and bubbly. with any luck, that should have been 15 minutes. If however, you are cooking more than one pizza, it will most likely take longer.

While the pizza is cooking, mix the honey and vinegar thoroughly, and then add the match-sticked cucumber. mix it all up to make sure the cucumber is coated with "dressing." Set this aside...

Throw your mixed up chicken into a pan or wok on the stove top. cook over medium heat Until the chicken is done. If you did the timing right, which you probably didn't (no worries) the pizza will be coming out right as your chicken is cooked all the way through. If you got the timing right, award yourself with a small golden star, or maybe a beer.

Using a spoon with drainage grooves cut into it, spoon the chicken onto the pizza. some "chicken sauce" on the pizza is no problem, but you mostly just want the chicken on the pizza, not the sauce. After you're finished doing that, add the scallions, bean sprouts, and peanuts. Then drain your cucumbers and scatter them all over your pizza.

Congratulations, you've officially cooked an easy and delicious Rachel Ray (unfortunately) recipe.

This pizza goes well with granite city beer and excessive gambling

So, the other night this guy walks into my store and says, “yeah, lemme get a pack of newpohts 100s and a single ‘rillo.”

As I waited for him to pay, I casually packed his cigarettes without thinking about it. He looked up from gathering his change together and said “yea-yeh. Thanks man, you savin’ me some trouble.”

I replied, “No problem. I would have taken the tobacco out of your cigarillo for you too, but then I decided I’d go ahead and let you do it.”

He did a double take, and said “what’d you say?”

(and I repeated myself) “I would have taken the tobacco out of your cigarillo, but I decided I’d let you do it.”

His eyes registered understanding, and then he broke out into a smile and said “yea-yeh, man, good lookin’ out!”

Note: I’m not entirely certain there is any difference between using fish sauce and thin soy sauce. If you were to use tamari, or regular soy sauce, you probably COULD tell a difference. So use thin.

I’m not sure. The major difference is going to be that Fish sauce smells slightly rank before you cook it, but it tastes delicious.

If there is a difference, it will be subtle. I’m thinking the soy sauce might be a tiny bit more salty.

And, Monroe, would you ever like to come up and visit? You’re invited.

I’ve been cooking a lot lately, and one thing that I’ve started cooking recently and mastered (I do mean mastered. If you’ve had it, you know I’ve mastered it. Just call me when you want it again.) is Thai Red Curry. I’ve got a simple, impossible to mangle recipe. Every ingredient I use is easy to find, at either your local super target, Wal-Mart, Albertsons, Dillons, Save-a-lot, Super Value, &c. you get the idea.

Better yet, find a local Asian Market to support and go there. They generally have BETTER prices (on the things you’ll need for this recipe, anyway). If you’re in Wichita, I recommend the Asian Market located at I-135 and Central. It used to be an Auto Zone, but I’m sure the people who live in that particular neighborhood stole everything off their shelves (basically, make your visit quick, and make sure to lock your car). The people who own/run the place are INCREDIBLY friendly and amazingly helpful- they’ve got me as a dedicated patron.

Thai Red Curry has two things that you absolutely must have: Those two things are Red Curry Paste, and coconut milk. Without those two things, you’re finished. In fact, they’re so important you might as well go kill yourself if you don’t have them.
The Red Curry paste is a blend of things, red pepper, garlic, and who knows what else. When it comes to red curry, I cheat- I run down to Super Target and buy myself a little container of Thai Kitchen (that’s a copyrighted brand name) Red Curry paste. It can be found in the foreign/oriental foods section. It’s probably near the canned goods.
In addition to the Curry paste and coconut milk, you also need Fish sauce (or thin soy sauce, I’ll get to that later), Brown sugar (you Americans will probably want to use brown sugar- if you’re a brave person you can use palm sugar instead. Just add about 30% more palm sugar than you would brown sugar), and basil. Basil is very important, but the dish will still work if you can’t find it. Absolutely do NOT buy the basil at Wal-Mart or target if you can help it! They generally don’t have Thai Basil, which is what you need, and they are generally MORE expensive than your asian market. Local small markets are your best friend. Help support them!

Let’s start with a list of ingredients-

1 or 2 tablespoons of Red Curry paste (I like it hot, I’ll go with two. Go with one if you are unsure.
1 can of coconut milk (around 14 oz, I hope)
2 tablespoons of fish sauce (you can use less if you want to. Use at least one tablespoon)
2 tablespoons of brown sugar (again, you can use less)
1 can of sliced bamboo shoots (a 19oz (unopened) can will do nicely for a double recipe. Otherwise, find something about half that size)
1 red or yellow bell pepper (if you’re going to double it, go with one of each!)
½ or 1 cup of frozen green beans, peas, or sugar snap peas- or, if you want to go fresh, do so.
1 or 2 chicken breasts
Fresh basil leaves (I use 5-8, maybe more if I’m feeling crazy)

I think that’s about it. This isn’t a particularly picky recipe, and you can pretty much throw in the kitchen sink if you want to. I generally ALWAYS use some chicken, bell pepper, and bamboo shoot. The green veggie however, I change around at will. You can omit the chicken and go with an approximately equal amount of tofu (Make sure you know how to cook it, though), shrimp, or steak. Or, you could just do a vegetable medley. It doesn’t matter. Whatever you want.

Start by preparing all of your ingredients in separate bowls, cups, or ramekins. I use some old blue and white china tea cups that were my grandmothers. They work perfectly for staging my tableau.

A wok will be your weapon of choice for this meal (If possible. If you don’t have one you’re gonna need a really big sauce pan of some kind). Let’s start by cooking the chicken (in a large saucepan- not your main pan, if it can be helped) toss a tablespoon of oil in your pan, and cook the chicken until it is white all the way through.

While you’re doing that, heat the coconut milk in your wok over medium heat. Once it starts to bubble a little bit, throw in your red curry paste. You’re probably going to have to mash it around, so make sure to stir thoroughly. Let that cook over medium heat for 5 or so minutes. Add the fish sauce and brown sugar, stir that, and let it sit for another 2 or so minutes. Or not. It doesn’t matter that much.

Assuming the chicken is now done, throw it into a bowl. Now to the bell pepper- throw a tad bit more oil into the saucepan you just cooked the chicken in, and cook the bell pepper. I cook bell pepper over high heat, stirring constantly, for about 2 minutes, maybe 3. you want it to stay crisp, so if you’re doubtful it’s all the way done, don’t worry about it. Just pull it off the heat, and throw it into ANOTHER bowl.

Add the vegetable you chose and the bamboo shoots to the coconut/curry mix. Stir it around a bit. Let it cook for another couple minutes, and then throw in the chicken, bell pepper, and kitchen sink. Set it to a medium low heat (or whatever), add the basil, and let it be. Or eat it. You’re done.

This is the kind of dish that needs to be served over rice. I prefer Royal Basmati, which you can find at sams (in a 10lb bag) any rice will work, though. If you plan on using minute rice, please step in front of a car instead. Otherwise, cook the rice.

If you don’t know how to cook rice… well, it’s easy. I only know one person who could screw up rice on the stove top, and he was from Bangladesh. You’re probably not from Bangladesh, so don’t worry about it too much.
Throw your rice into a large pot. Two cups should do. Get some water in there, and swish it around, vigorously. The rice should be completely covered in water.
Drain it, and then repeat. You’re doing this to clean the rice- It probably has sediment in it… Anyway, do that a couple times, and then add just under TWICE as much water as you have rice (if you have two cups of rice, add 3 and ¾ cups of water.

Throw it onto the stove at very high heat (cover the pot!) and bring it to a boil. When it starts to boil, reduce the heat to low. When the water is gone, and your rice begins to stand on end, it’s probably done. If it’s a little gooey, don’t sweat it too much. It’s still going to taste delicious under your red curry!

Note: I’d cook the rice WHILE you cook the curry. If you ever decide to try this, please enjoy it!

Oh, right. If you want to make this vegetarian friendly (or even vegan friendly) you can use Healthy Boy Brand Thin Soy sauce. If you can’t find that at an asian market, either google it on the internet to try to buy it, or google Chez Pim. I believe she has a link to it on her Pad Thai recipe. Thin soy sauce is a direct substitute for the fish sauce…

People tend to disparage their governments, but they will fight to the death to keep them.

-Ancient Shores (Jack McDevitt)

err, I mean another story about her. I think it's amazing that someone like her has been dead for as long as they have, yet they're still front page news.

tonight, one of my clerks told me that I worked too hard, and that I needed to relax, cool off, whatever. 3-1 was being ridiculously violated, Number One and I were stuck on the register, and the door alarm was running- for more than two and a half minutes. After it was all said and done and I managed to get through a bad rush, I told one of the clerks that when [they] heard the door alarm, they needed to, at the VERY least, look out and see if the people on register needed any help. I didn't snap. I didn't lose my cool, even. I was, however, firm. I could tell they were upset- at me, or themselves, I wasn't sure. so, several hours later, I apologized for (basically) snapping at them. that's when they told me that I worked too hard.

Yeah, I work hard. Yeah, I stress myself out with trying to get way too much shit done so that the store looks good for the next person. but the fact is that the job I have is a hard job. I don't mean hard as in only a select few people on this earth can do it- I mean hard by the old school definition- demanding. It's hard work like working on a farm can be hard work. Somedays I feel like I'm a cowboy who's been out wranglin' cattle all day.

Not really. but that's what I mean by hard. It's demanding. We (the employees) are expected to get an absurd amount of work done in a short amount of time. We are expected to give the best customer service to people, even when those people might make us want to drink boiling water. It's hard work. the work requires people to work hard, to move with purpose, to do things quickly. We're supposed to be faster, better, smarter, and more effective than any of our competition.

When it comes right down to it, I have to work as hard as I work. part of it is some internal drive of mine- I want to be needed and necessary. I want to be the best, most effective and most appreciated member of my team. Not only that, but if I know that I can do something, and I don't do it as well as I can, I'm basically failing myself. I don't want to be a failure to anyone- ESPECIALLY to myself.

But another part of it is that if I don't work as hard as I do, things could start going wrong.
We lose sales. Everyone loses pay. We lose customers. and unfortunately, I'm in a business where every one of those things matters quite a bit. If I don't work as hard as I do, I let everyone down (including myself) on several levels.

Maybe people without drive and ambition, people who simply want to take it easy and meander slowly from one task to the next without worrying about time constraints- maybe they don't belong here.

But a better question may be, "Where do they belong?"

I'd say they belong at Osco, which was a repository for underworking, slow-witted people without any drive to accomplish anything. But Osco doesn't exist anymore. Osco was bought out by a company that had big goals- that had a sense of purpose, profits, and it worked hard. So obviously, not working hard didn't work out too well for the Osco team. a good number of them are, in fact, still unemployed.

Really, what's the point of being here- of existing, without accomplishing something that will last? What's the point of sticking around in this world if you aren't going to do the best damn job you can at accomplishing SOMETHING? It leads me back to the whole existential hero thing, which I doubt many of you remember (or know about). Look it up on wikipedia.

As far as I am concerned, inaction is failure itself. If I don't act, who will? Obviously not those who wish to take it easy at work.

The fact is, that underachievers spend their lives doing nothing of import. they have very little impact on the world around them. Sure, their kids love them, maybe their parents and a select few other people out there, but almost no one remembers them when they're gone.

That's not what I want. Which is why I'm really currently wasting my life right now, anyway. I should be off writing a book, doing something that will put my name down in history permanently.

Or not. I could try the long climb up the corporate ladder. Lots of people remember you for that. But it's not what I want! I want to be remembered like I remember L.E. Modessitt, like I remember Jack McDevitt. In the meantime, however, I am going to do the best damn job I can at everything else.

So, Rex, Niaz, and Brandon came up to visit me this "weekend," and one of my work days. today we cooked pad thai "on demand." Basically, we made the stir-fry (so to speak) sauce, and then let people put whatever they wanted into the wok and make their own pad thai. It was very tasty, and in some cases (like rex's) quite interesting. He put a little too much sauce into his and it came out too dark. but that was okay- other than being super salty, his was still pretty good.

Brandon's came out nearly perfect, as did mine. I had a lot of fun, and I think I'll have to get everything together to do it again some time. Who wants pad thai?

So, a customer walked into my place of business the other day and had the audicity to blame us for one of the STUPIDEST MISTAKES I have ever. heard. in. my. life.

In between his sputterings of stupidity I gathered that he had come into my store a few minutes before and bought a bottle of "XP Super Concentrated Fuel Injector Cleaner." I'm not really that sure what a FUEL INJECTOR CLEANER does, are you? I'm going to GUESS from reading the LABEL that it just might clean fuel injectors. If I further read the LABEL, I might even learn that it needs to be added to my gas tank when I add fuel to my car.

As I listened to this customer slobber all over himself, it became apparent that he had added the fuel injector cleaner to his RADIATOR. I don't know what the FUCK his problem was. maybe he forgot to read the clearly printed and brightly colored LABEL stuck firmly to the front of the bottle?

After a few more minutes of spasmed sentences, the customer made it clear that he had, in fact, meant to purchase a radiator sealant, which occupied the shelf space right NEXT to the fuel injector cleaner. He trembled with rage, and said he "couldn't believe that [my business] would put two different products right next to each other." (Actually, that isn't what he said at all. I can't repeat what he said- I'm not sure that I can form a sentence that badly.)
He gave me a DIRE warning that if something wasn't changed, someone else might make the same mistake that he did. He also twitched with the hope that this mistake (CLEARLY our fault) didn't cause him any more troubles than he already had.

I don't know about any of you, but If I did something that stupid, say I managed to chop my arm off with a chainsaw somehow- I wouldn't go griping to the company about how they should "make changes now to ensure that no one else is as FUCKING moronic as I am." I would be so embarrassed I would have to go hang myself- and I might find that rather difficult if I'm already missing a fucking arm. The customer I had, however, shouldn't have any trouble hanging himself. All he did was fuck up his 70s POS van even more.

I hope the next time he does something THAT stupid, he confuses Pepto-Bismol for THIS:



I hope that does the trick. This world needs a lot less morons, and they'd make it easier on all of us if they would simply take care of themselves. I don't want to have to hunt anyone down. I have better things to do with my time.

speaking of guitar hero, just think of it this way. Tracy plays. Tracy doesn't care for very many video games. but tracy plays. can you play? I think so. how about everyone else? yes, you can. (which is a song on that game, I think)
stupid drugs. I need some sleep.

so, here's some things that you can learn today.

the word CREPUSCULAR (which blogger thinks I misspelled) means "active at twilight" (basically.)
as opposed to, say, diurnal or nocturnal critters, crepuscular beasts are those that are active for only a few short hours. Fireflies are a GREAT example.

also, there are these little critters called chiggers. you're probably familiar with them, right? they burrow into your skin, sucking your blood and making you itch. Unfortunately, nail polish doesn't REALLY work that well to kill them (one of those wives tales we all hear about)

chiggers don't burrow that deeply. and that absurd itching comes from powerful enzymes that the chigger (which is the larvae of a mite) pumps into your skin. the enzymes dissolve your cells, and the chigger sucks the cells up. kinda like a mosquito, but more disgusting.


chiggers lead to drinking, and a drug called diphenhydramine hydrochloride (an antihistamine that causes drowsiness). diphenhydramine is the active ingredient in BENADRYL and SOMINEX. It can also be found in many other antihistamines and sleep aids. it also apparently helps reduce the reuptake of serotonin, which means you can even use it as an antidepressant! what a wonderful drug- except in large amounts it puts you to sleep.
Diphenhydramine apparently led to the discovery of prozac. go figure.

So, that's where I am right now. drinking alcohol, taking Diphenhydramine HCl and eating chef boyardee ravioli (which doesn't help the itching from the chiggers, but it was fast and easy).

Hopefully, I'll be unconscious within the next twenty minutes. it wouldn't surprise me.

This handy tool doubles up very nicely as a chipotle slicer. You may have to push, though. hard.

"We must be the change we wish to see in the world." -Mahatma Gandhi


Amanda, update your blog.

The GXP version of the Solstice debuted at the Los Angeles Auto Show in January 2006. It is powered by a new 2.0 L turbocharged Ecotec engine with 260 hp (193 kW) and 260 ft·lbf (353 N·m). The turbocharger is of the dual-scroll kind. This is the highest specific output of any engine in the history of General Motors at 2.1 hp (1.6 kW) per cubic inch, and it is the first gasoline direct injection engine from an American automaker.

Other GXP features include standard Stabilitrak traction control, a limited-slip differential, and anti-lock brakes. Summer tires on 18 in wheels will be standard.

ah. now my loss makes more sense.
you have 260 hp and that's all you beat my by? pathetic.

no problem with the directions. that's part of my job description.