Dec 24, 2003
I've been in a weird mood the last couple of days, not quite depressed, but not happy either. really restless. I don't think christmas is what I want right now, but unfortunately, even if my heart stops, the world still moves around me.
I'm lonely. I sit here writing this in the apartment, all by myself except for the crazy kit laying on my bed. and she's good company, but she's... just not human. I want some human companionship, I wish someone was here.
Michael said he was going to come over a couple nights in a row, and ended up not coming over. And then there was the fact that when Ryan Kevin and Monroe hung out I was christmas shopping and spending a little bit of time with my dad.
I don't like to spend time with my dad, I really don't. It's not that he abuses me anymore, it's the fact that he can't remember what it is I just told him from moment to moment. he asked me about 17 times "So, you're not interested in Herpetology anymore?"
The fact that I don't want to see him makes me feel like a wasteland. I'm hollow, empty. It's not really fair to him. It's not. and he still scares me sometimes with the constant stream of letters and the constant riding his bike past at weird hours.
The fact that Ryan and Kevin have an even more limited amount of time than me to hang out is upsetting. the last week I was moving into the apartment, and didn't really have spare time. They work at walmart and only get one or two days free every week.
Is that how it is going to be for me, when I get a job? Neither Kevin nor Ryan ever call me, and I have given my cell to both of them. Kevin's line is always busy on the internet or no one is there when I try to call, and Ryan's phone is either disconnected or he's working. I will say that I haven't called them recently.
I guess we'll see what happens.
I'm lonely. I sit here writing this in the apartment, all by myself except for the crazy kit laying on my bed. and she's good company, but she's... just not human. I want some human companionship, I wish someone was here.
Michael said he was going to come over a couple nights in a row, and ended up not coming over. And then there was the fact that when Ryan Kevin and Monroe hung out I was christmas shopping and spending a little bit of time with my dad.
I don't like to spend time with my dad, I really don't. It's not that he abuses me anymore, it's the fact that he can't remember what it is I just told him from moment to moment. he asked me about 17 times "So, you're not interested in Herpetology anymore?"
The fact that I don't want to see him makes me feel like a wasteland. I'm hollow, empty. It's not really fair to him. It's not. and he still scares me sometimes with the constant stream of letters and the constant riding his bike past at weird hours.
The fact that Ryan and Kevin have an even more limited amount of time than me to hang out is upsetting. the last week I was moving into the apartment, and didn't really have spare time. They work at walmart and only get one or two days free every week.
Is that how it is going to be for me, when I get a job? Neither Kevin nor Ryan ever call me, and I have given my cell to both of them. Kevin's line is always busy on the internet or no one is there when I try to call, and Ryan's phone is either disconnected or he's working. I will say that I haven't called them recently.
I guess we'll see what happens.
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