Jan 20, 2004
WHY VEHICULAR HOMOCIDE TRULY IS THE ANSWER.
for some dammed reason, I care about other people's opinions and thoughts on me. heck, I wish I didn't, because it would make hitting people with cars so much easier.
A couple nights ago, Pamela came over and got wildly drunk with alcohol that she paid for. it was her idea. not mine, not ANYONE else's (except adam).
of course, It came to me to take care of her while she was at the apartment.
Apparently I didn't do a good enough job. even though I was always there when she needed help, even though I was there when she needed up or to go to the bathroom or when she needed a leg to crawl up so she could stand.
She was pissed the next day. upset that I couldn't have stayed at the dorms after we took her back, and helped take care of her. She was mad. I apparently was lax.
What? what the hell do I need to do to please you, Pamela? seriously? the old saying "damned if you do, damned if you don't" comes to mind.
I was driving michael's car. michael's god damned car. and he had to go home. for some reason, I didn't think that trying to get someone SO drunk they could barely walk (no, not pamela) into the BACKSEAT of my 2 door blazer seemed like a good idea.
when we got back, michael went with me to take rex home (because he had gone with me earlier when I applied for jobs, and hadn't drove himself). I had to take rex home, he had school and it was getting late. when we got back, michael went home. all within 20 minutes of having dropped pamela off.
but apparently none of this wasn't good enough.
Then, of course, on Sunday, I did something else to piss her off. the unfortunate thing is, I don;t know what it was. I did something. whether or not it was convincing amanda and nikki to stay and play games at the apartment, I have no idea. but I did something, because she sent me a message that said (around 10 pm)
"we need to have words."
tell me what that sounds like to you. doesn't sound friendly to me, I think judging voice inflection over the intermet can be hard at times, but the usage of "words" makes it sound cold and hard, unfriendly. if she had said "we need to talk" that's one thing. but "we need to have words??"
A little before she sent that message, she came over for about 5 minutes to pick up her crown royale. James asked her how Nikki and Amanda were getting home, since she had brought them over. she said she didn;t have a clue since they were ERIK'S responsibility (oh, I definetly agree. they were my responsibilty). She brought Ky, and after 5 minutes, leaves. great, she;s mad, it's obvious. maybe James pissed her off by misunderstanding. well Pamela, james wasn;t criticsizing you. he simply didn't know how they were getting home.
SO, after having recieved that message, I try to call her cell. Russ answers in a chinese vendor accent or something and says (basically) Pamela is unavailable. fine. so she wants to play games.
A couple hours later, she calls me to make sure Nikki and Amanda had gotten home okay. I say yes, they have, and then ask her why she had said we need to have words. she says "nevermind bye ~CLICK~"
so again, I attempt to call her back to see why she is OBVIOUSLY pissed at me.
she has someone ELSE answer the phone. I don;t know who. maybe katherine. hard to tell. again, I get the Pamela is not available line. and again, obvious lie. now this time I could be mind games or it could be Pamela just not wanting to talk about it.
I'm getting kind of angry, so I say, "tell Pamela she is being kinda bitchy."
I admit it, I said something mean to her, finally! after all the criticism I had endured over being a TERRIBLE caretaker for a drunk person and all the invisible tug-of-war I had played with her over dumb things like who was going where, I finally said somehting mean.
So then a bit later she logs onto aim. I say, what's going on?
And she gives me the "there's a lot upsetting me, it's not just you" (I don't want to talk about the fact that I have been more or less playing mind games with you and/or trying to manipulate you into feeling bad for the last DAY!)
so I say, why are you mad?
again the same line, followed by "I don't want to talk about it right now."
After sending me an angry message, one that seems kind of ominious to me (I don't know, would you think that a friendship might be in jeaprody over "we need to have words?"), she doesn't want to talk about it. GREAT! now she expects me to ignore the fact that she has had RUSS answer the phone talking like a little fucking chinese street vendor (definetly the kind that wants to sell you something you have NEVER heard of) and then someone ELSE answering the phone RIGHT after she hangs UP on me (why didn;t she call nikki or amanda to see if they were back? more mind games? or was it the fact that they were my responsability? I agree, they were!)!!!
she wants me to ignore all that.
the conversation more or less ends with me trying to tell her that I've always been a good friend to her and I have always tried to take care of her and I have never been truly mean to her (as in, nothing other than my dumb sarcasm and usual crap).
Well, ,apparently I didn't leave her alone, and I pushed her. so she was mad again tonight. I went over to hang out with Nikki and amanda and wes and rex, and she was with russ. She CALLS amanada to see what is going on, and then asks, "is erik over there?" when amanda says yes Pamela says "nevermind ~CLICK~"
wow. W-O-W.
so it is VERY clear she is still mad. VERY clear. so, around 11:55, according to Pamela's microwave, 12:00 according to my watch, and based on what russ said, 11:50 by his watch, I went over there and politely said, "you guys might want to shut the door or something since it is getting close to that time." that time being CURFEW at the dorms (where the guys have to leave the girls rooms and vice versa). If you don;t follow curfew, you get cited.
Russ says "well we still have 10 minutes, so we'll be okay."
I say, "well, I have 12 o'clock on my watch so I just thought I'd tell ya."
what does Pamela have to say?
"But we aren't going by your watch, so get the fuck out of my room."
Whereas internet "talk" can be hard to "read" or catch the inflection, this was NOT. it was mean. unfriendly, discouraging, "you're so beneath me you fucking scumbag" mean. So I put up my hands in a "what can you do" gesture, absolutely shocked that Pamela would be less than civil (yes, that was actually not sarcasm. Pamela and I may have our dumb fights, but we aren;t ever mean to each other) to me.
Needless to say, we didn't talk. Amber did say that I apparently didn't let her go to sleep the night before when I kept "bugging" her about why she was mad. Since I couldn't let that drop, she was pissed. On that I will say that Pamela played enough games with me that I was truly worried she was mad, and Pamela could have logged off the damn internet anytime she damnwell wanted. also, after she said "I don't want to talk about it" I didn;t ask her agian, I just tried to tell her that I really was trying to be a good friend.
that certainly doesn't add up. she was SO pissed that I didn't STOP asking about why she was mad (after having dropped the line "we need to have words") fast enough for her that she said "get the fuck out of my room" and completely ignored me and avoided me.
yeah. after having written all this, it makes PERFECT sense (on reflection) that I CLEARLY missed something and was CLEARLY in the wrong in (whatever it was) doing what I did.
yeah. right.
for some dammed reason, I care about other people's opinions and thoughts on me. heck, I wish I didn't, because it would make hitting people with cars so much easier.
A couple nights ago, Pamela came over and got wildly drunk with alcohol that she paid for. it was her idea. not mine, not ANYONE else's (except adam).
of course, It came to me to take care of her while she was at the apartment.
Apparently I didn't do a good enough job. even though I was always there when she needed help, even though I was there when she needed up or to go to the bathroom or when she needed a leg to crawl up so she could stand.
She was pissed the next day. upset that I couldn't have stayed at the dorms after we took her back, and helped take care of her. She was mad. I apparently was lax.
What? what the hell do I need to do to please you, Pamela? seriously? the old saying "damned if you do, damned if you don't" comes to mind.
I was driving michael's car. michael's god damned car. and he had to go home. for some reason, I didn't think that trying to get someone SO drunk they could barely walk (no, not pamela) into the BACKSEAT of my 2 door blazer seemed like a good idea.
when we got back, michael went with me to take rex home (because he had gone with me earlier when I applied for jobs, and hadn't drove himself). I had to take rex home, he had school and it was getting late. when we got back, michael went home. all within 20 minutes of having dropped pamela off.
but apparently none of this wasn't good enough.
Then, of course, on Sunday, I did something else to piss her off. the unfortunate thing is, I don;t know what it was. I did something. whether or not it was convincing amanda and nikki to stay and play games at the apartment, I have no idea. but I did something, because she sent me a message that said (around 10 pm)
"we need to have words."
tell me what that sounds like to you. doesn't sound friendly to me, I think judging voice inflection over the intermet can be hard at times, but the usage of "words" makes it sound cold and hard, unfriendly. if she had said "we need to talk" that's one thing. but "we need to have words??"
A little before she sent that message, she came over for about 5 minutes to pick up her crown royale. James asked her how Nikki and Amanda were getting home, since she had brought them over. she said she didn;t have a clue since they were ERIK'S responsibility (oh, I definetly agree. they were my responsibilty). She brought Ky, and after 5 minutes, leaves. great, she;s mad, it's obvious. maybe James pissed her off by misunderstanding. well Pamela, james wasn;t criticsizing you. he simply didn't know how they were getting home.
SO, after having recieved that message, I try to call her cell. Russ answers in a chinese vendor accent or something and says (basically) Pamela is unavailable. fine. so she wants to play games.
A couple hours later, she calls me to make sure Nikki and Amanda had gotten home okay. I say yes, they have, and then ask her why she had said we need to have words. she says "nevermind bye ~CLICK~"
so again, I attempt to call her back to see why she is OBVIOUSLY pissed at me.
she has someone ELSE answer the phone. I don;t know who. maybe katherine. hard to tell. again, I get the Pamela is not available line. and again, obvious lie. now this time I could be mind games or it could be Pamela just not wanting to talk about it.
I'm getting kind of angry, so I say, "tell Pamela she is being kinda bitchy."
I admit it, I said something mean to her, finally! after all the criticism I had endured over being a TERRIBLE caretaker for a drunk person and all the invisible tug-of-war I had played with her over dumb things like who was going where, I finally said somehting mean.
So then a bit later she logs onto aim. I say, what's going on?
And she gives me the "there's a lot upsetting me, it's not just you" (I don't want to talk about the fact that I have been more or less playing mind games with you and/or trying to manipulate you into feeling bad for the last DAY!)
so I say, why are you mad?
again the same line, followed by "I don't want to talk about it right now."
After sending me an angry message, one that seems kind of ominious to me (I don't know, would you think that a friendship might be in jeaprody over "we need to have words?"), she doesn't want to talk about it. GREAT! now she expects me to ignore the fact that she has had RUSS answer the phone talking like a little fucking chinese street vendor (definetly the kind that wants to sell you something you have NEVER heard of) and then someone ELSE answering the phone RIGHT after she hangs UP on me (why didn;t she call nikki or amanda to see if they were back? more mind games? or was it the fact that they were my responsability? I agree, they were!)!!!
she wants me to ignore all that.
the conversation more or less ends with me trying to tell her that I've always been a good friend to her and I have always tried to take care of her and I have never been truly mean to her (as in, nothing other than my dumb sarcasm and usual crap).
Well, ,apparently I didn't leave her alone, and I pushed her. so she was mad again tonight. I went over to hang out with Nikki and amanda and wes and rex, and she was with russ. She CALLS amanada to see what is going on, and then asks, "is erik over there?" when amanda says yes Pamela says "nevermind ~CLICK~"
wow. W-O-W.
so it is VERY clear she is still mad. VERY clear. so, around 11:55, according to Pamela's microwave, 12:00 according to my watch, and based on what russ said, 11:50 by his watch, I went over there and politely said, "you guys might want to shut the door or something since it is getting close to that time." that time being CURFEW at the dorms (where the guys have to leave the girls rooms and vice versa). If you don;t follow curfew, you get cited.
Russ says "well we still have 10 minutes, so we'll be okay."
I say, "well, I have 12 o'clock on my watch so I just thought I'd tell ya."
what does Pamela have to say?
"But we aren't going by your watch, so get the fuck out of my room."
Whereas internet "talk" can be hard to "read" or catch the inflection, this was NOT. it was mean. unfriendly, discouraging, "you're so beneath me you fucking scumbag" mean. So I put up my hands in a "what can you do" gesture, absolutely shocked that Pamela would be less than civil (yes, that was actually not sarcasm. Pamela and I may have our dumb fights, but we aren;t ever mean to each other) to me.
Needless to say, we didn't talk. Amber did say that I apparently didn't let her go to sleep the night before when I kept "bugging" her about why she was mad. Since I couldn't let that drop, she was pissed. On that I will say that Pamela played enough games with me that I was truly worried she was mad, and Pamela could have logged off the damn internet anytime she damnwell wanted. also, after she said "I don't want to talk about it" I didn;t ask her agian, I just tried to tell her that I really was trying to be a good friend.
that certainly doesn't add up. she was SO pissed that I didn't STOP asking about why she was mad (after having dropped the line "we need to have words") fast enough for her that she said "get the fuck out of my room" and completely ignored me and avoided me.
yeah. after having written all this, it makes PERFECT sense (on reflection) that I CLEARLY missed something and was CLEARLY in the wrong in (whatever it was) doing what I did.
yeah. right.
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