Dec 8, 2003
man. I hate spam. I changed emails to get away from it, and I want to keep my new address comercially private, but hey! I look in my (empty) inbox, and what's there?? a peice of spam FROM YAHOO!!! nazis. make me want to kill myself, and then who would they spam???
On a different note, I wanted to talk about stabbing (that's my term for using an online journal or any other intermediary source to nail someone in the back).
I don't like the idea of stabbing... I don't, but I also wish that I could write whatever the fuck I pleased on this site. including bad things. I wish, honestly, that I didn't care what anyone thought.
But it seems, even here, on my OWN online journal, I have to edit myself.
I can't be honest about my feelings, because then people will be like, "Holy shit, what the fuck is wrong with that erik kid!!!"
People read this. they do, and I worry about hurting their feelings, or writing something they dissaprove of and feel they have to respond to.
Like, for instance, when I wrote about wanting to try a pipe sometime. Sarah responded to that. Now, her response wasn't judgemental- but let me go to an extreme here for a second.
Actually, lets not.
but there are lots of things I can't say here.... Without hurting someone, or making them leery of me... For example, my suicide comments probably bug some people.
Here's a rating scale for how serous my suicide comments are:
1-10 (10 being me throwing myself off a building)
In relation to things like spam mail- 2
Having to do wth being impatient- 3
In relation to being depressed- 1
In relation to dissapointing my mom- 6
In relation to screwing up my life- 2
Having to do with being hungry- 9
allright, so there is something wrong with this list. hmmm... yeah, maybe it's the fact that IT'S FUCKING SARCASTIC!
I may be depressed, but I'm never suicidal. (mostly)
I wish I were, people take advantage of that. they're like, "Oh, Erik isn't suicidal??? Hell ya, I'll ask him for rides all the time!!!" If I was suicidal over it, they wouldn't ask (this one gets a 5 in my list)
anothr example is, "hey, erik isn't suicidal so i'll betray him! I don't feel that bad, because I know it won't drive him to kill himself!" (people who twist the knife piss me off and rate a 7)
another example... "I know erik isn't suicidal, so I'll be intrested in every one of his damn friends! If he was, he'd surely kill himself, but he isn't, so it's okay If I'm indecisive and keep griping to him how I can't date them because they're his friends!" THIS RATES A 10!
and, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! be intrested in them and date one, but don't be intrested in them AND THEN GRIPE TO ME because YOU can't DATE THEM because they're MY FRIENDS!!!! I know that, and I DON'T CARE! If one of them hurts your damn feelings, I'll listen! but JESUS! it's not that hard!
people who say things like "do be do," "I hate _______ people," "neway, u, ru, tyme, etc. etc.," "It's a good thing you have your looks," THESE THINGS get a 8 in my book. I just want to run off a damn building.
I wonder how many people take me serious on this. If you did, chances are you should see a psychiatrist.
well I got way off topic but got to rant about the things bothering me in my usual roundabout sarcastic way.. even though a couple don't bug me that much.
Damn. I wish this semester were over.
My hinges hidden
but not nearly well enough
digging in my heart
actually, it would be easier to kill myself than to dissapoint my mom.
On a different note, I wanted to talk about stabbing (that's my term for using an online journal or any other intermediary source to nail someone in the back).
I don't like the idea of stabbing... I don't, but I also wish that I could write whatever the fuck I pleased on this site. including bad things. I wish, honestly, that I didn't care what anyone thought.
But it seems, even here, on my OWN online journal, I have to edit myself.
I can't be honest about my feelings, because then people will be like, "Holy shit, what the fuck is wrong with that erik kid!!!"
People read this. they do, and I worry about hurting their feelings, or writing something they dissaprove of and feel they have to respond to.
Like, for instance, when I wrote about wanting to try a pipe sometime. Sarah responded to that. Now, her response wasn't judgemental- but let me go to an extreme here for a second.
Actually, lets not.
but there are lots of things I can't say here.... Without hurting someone, or making them leery of me... For example, my suicide comments probably bug some people.
Here's a rating scale for how serous my suicide comments are:
1-10 (10 being me throwing myself off a building)
In relation to things like spam mail- 2
Having to do wth being impatient- 3
In relation to being depressed- 1
In relation to dissapointing my mom- 6
In relation to screwing up my life- 2
Having to do with being hungry- 9
allright, so there is something wrong with this list. hmmm... yeah, maybe it's the fact that IT'S FUCKING SARCASTIC!
I may be depressed, but I'm never suicidal. (mostly)
I wish I were, people take advantage of that. they're like, "Oh, Erik isn't suicidal??? Hell ya, I'll ask him for rides all the time!!!" If I was suicidal over it, they wouldn't ask (this one gets a 5 in my list)
anothr example is, "hey, erik isn't suicidal so i'll betray him! I don't feel that bad, because I know it won't drive him to kill himself!" (people who twist the knife piss me off and rate a 7)
another example... "I know erik isn't suicidal, so I'll be intrested in every one of his damn friends! If he was, he'd surely kill himself, but he isn't, so it's okay If I'm indecisive and keep griping to him how I can't date them because they're his friends!" THIS RATES A 10!
and, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! be intrested in them and date one, but don't be intrested in them AND THEN GRIPE TO ME because YOU can't DATE THEM because they're MY FRIENDS!!!! I know that, and I DON'T CARE! If one of them hurts your damn feelings, I'll listen! but JESUS! it's not that hard!
people who say things like "do be do," "I hate _______ people," "neway, u, ru, tyme, etc. etc.," "It's a good thing you have your looks," THESE THINGS get a 8 in my book. I just want to run off a damn building.
I wonder how many people take me serious on this. If you did, chances are you should see a psychiatrist.
well I got way off topic but got to rant about the things bothering me in my usual roundabout sarcastic way.. even though a couple don't bug me that much.
Damn. I wish this semester were over.
My hinges hidden
but not nearly well enough
digging in my heart
actually, it would be easier to kill myself than to dissapoint my mom.
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