Feb 2, 2004
I don't know whether or not it was out of anger or not, but Pamela cut me out of her life.
she said I was too negative, and then she said that's why I had to cut you out, have a nice life. I don't know if she meant it, but regardless, I would like to know, how many people think I am negative? other than pamela, of course. I think, the real reason she's cutting me out is that I wasn't buying her bullshit at that moment. I'm tired of it.
Pamela is one of only a couple people that thinks I am negative. People that actually talk to me, that is.
Pamela also criticized me for playing with someone's feelings. Well.. on that, I didn't mean to. I simply decided I couldn't date nikki. now, I understand why nikki would be mad... and i dealt with it with her. poorly, but i did. and then I owned up to the fact that I handled it poorly and like an ass, and I handled it a little better. at this point, I have salvaged it as nicely as I can. but I sure as hell don't deserve criticism from pamela, especialy on something she herself did. at least I was nice about it. from her own mouth, "Russ made me take care of it, maybe I was mean, but it's resolved" (and because RUSSELL has requested that I make this clear, he did this not to be a bad guy but to protect Adam's feelings).
Since I never got the chance to rebuke anything Pamela said well, I will do it here.
and, for the record, pamela's screenname has been removed... so no one will message her and bother her.
Pamela (1:24:43 AM): eric omg you play board games and sleep all day
Order Focus (1:24:44 AM): don't xcriticize me for the things you do
Order Focus (1:24:48 AM): whaty//
Order Focus (1:25:11 AM): what?
Pamela (1:25:35 AM): what the hell is with this stuff about waste of a human being
Pamela (1:25:36 AM): blah blah
Pamela (1:25:44 AM): everything sucks blah blah
actually, things are pretty good. I made a post about being a waste after I told nikki it wouldn't work. I hurt her, and it felt terrible. People generally regret hurting others, I know I do. I hate it. and when I hurt her and told her no, I did feel like a waste and a failure. luckily, I don't generally feel that way, but sometimes people who care regret their actions, especially when they hurt people who are fundamentally good.
Pamela (1:27:05 AM): your just in this hole and you dont seem to come out
Pamela (1:27:15 AM): omg and your an idiot
Pamela (1:27:26 AM): going nowhere and being a failure are two completely diff things
Pamela (1:29:00 AM): and you can criticize me all you want but everything is positive in my life
Pamela (1:29:08 AM): i have reminded myself where i am going
Pamela (1:29:17 AM): i have made new friends and found some new hobbie
Pamela (1:29:19 AM): s
Order Focus (1:29:24 AM): good.,
Order Focus (1:29:26 AM): I am glad.
Pamela (1:29:30 AM): i have dumped some bad habits and dumped some bad people
Order Focus (1:29:32 AM): I know what I want, and I know where I am going
Order Focus (1:29:45 AM): but I haven't been able to find a job
Order Focus (1:29:54 AM): and Ican't work on my car in this weather
Order Focus (1:30:03 AM): and I certainly can't hunt snakes in this weather
Order Focus (1:30:07 AM): so
Order Focus (1:30:16 AM): all I can do is GO NOWHERE fast
she told me previously in this conversation I was going nowhere fast and picking up bad habits. Fine. Currently, I am going nowhere fast. I don't have a job yet, I am not going to school this semester, and all I really can do is go out and get job applications (it seems pamela ignored the fact that I have been doing just that, or maybe she didn't know) and cook here and have friends over. She seems to say I don't know where I am going or I don't know what I want in this conversation. but, since the last fight me and pamela had, we have said more or less nothing. one day she came over and acted like nothing had ever happened ever, and we were good ol' pals again. I guess not. maybe she's mad that I knew, and have proof, that she was lying about something from the previous fight. well, it doesn't matter, I thought it was forgive and forget.
And finally, the last peice of the conversation.
Pamela (1:32:21 AM): omg whatever i dont care
Order Focus (1:33:08 AM): nikki siad her peice
Order Focus (1:33:12 AM): she struck back at me
Order Focus (1:33:17 AM): she said some damned hurtful thingas
Order Focus (1:33:22 AM): and I DESERVED them
Pamela (1:33:24 AM): omg you are dense
Pamela (1:33:26 AM): so dense
Pamela (1:33:29 AM): you miss the whole point
Order Focus (1:33:32 AM): but I don't deserve your attacks
Order Focus (1:33:39 AM): I don't deserve your criticisms
Pamela (1:33:39 AM): you are someone i had to remove from my life
Pamela (1:33:43 AM): you are sooo negative
Pamela (1:33:51 AM): omg just whatever fine
Pamela (1:33:59 AM): we shouldnt talk to each other it just pisses us off
Order Focus (1:34:00 AM): no
Order Focus (1:34:04 AM): I a not so negative!
Pamela (1:34:05 AM): have a good life
Order Focus (1:34:09 AM): i'm not!
Order Focus (1:34:13 AM): goddamnit
Pamela signed off at 1:34:15 AM.
that is probably the worst you will ever see me type, in that conversation. congrats, you get to see it now... and probably never again. I don't really know what to think... it's like the moment I stop buying Pamela's bull shit and stop giving her the attention she wants, I'm done. I'm sorry, but simply discarding someone like that isn't what I'd call a friend. friend's can't simply make that decision, especially because one is "too negative." so maybe we were never friends. not real ones. You have a nice life too, pamela. sorry I was too negative for you.
I apparently edit things and leave things out to make them slant my way. So, here is the ENTIRE conversation. unedited... except for pamela's screenname. If I get accused of having left something out, I'll just post it again, with the screenname included...the timestamps are there, though, and it would have been a lot fo work to edit those. People piss me off so much
Order Focus (1:15:57 AM): hello aghaibn
Order Focus (1:16:01 AM): I thought you wers leepingh
Pamela (1:16:14 AM): nice spelling
Pamela (1:17:17 AM): no job yet
Order Focus (1:18:59 AM): ?
Order Focus (1:19:04 AM): I htougth you werse leeping
Order Focus (1:19:06 AM): no
Order Focus (1:19:08 AM): no job heyt
Pamela (1:19:16 AM): haha no not sleeping yet
Pamela (1:19:38 AM): you need to get a job
Order Focus (1:20:37 AM): th\\\really?
Order Focus (1:20:38 AM): I know
Order Focus (1:20:39 AM): that!
Order Focus (1:20:51 AM): what's your posuit/ I know h|I need a hob
Pamela (1:20:52 AM): just reminding you
Order Focus (1:20:52 AM): job
Pamela (1:21:26 AM): OMG type better
Pamela (1:21:31 AM): i am slow to begin with
Pamela (1:21:33 AM): you are killing me
Order Focus (1:21:34 AM): OMG I cant
Order Focus (1:21:38 AM): sdow?
Order Focus (1:21:40 AM): slow to toypE/
Order Focus (1:21:44 AM): WHAT ARE YOU TALKIGN ABOUT
Order Focus (1:21:57 AM): vanilla vodka dammit
Order Focus (1:22:00 AM): slow thinkge/
Pamela (1:22:16 AM): eric i dont think you need to drink
Pamela (1:22:25 AM): you are like really freakin me out her lately man
Order Focus (1:22:39 AM): ?
Order Focus (1:22:40 AM): what?
Order Focus (1:22:45 AM): I'm freaking you OT/
Order Focus (1:22:47 AM): how is that???!?!?
Pamela (1:22:56 AM): your going nowhere fast
Pamela (1:23:05 AM): and to add to it you are picking up bad behaviors
Order Focus (1:23:34 AM): oh really?
Order Focus (1:23:36 AM): liek yuo!
'
Pamela (1:23:48 AM): i am going somewhere
Pamela (1:23:53 AM): i am working my ass off
Pamela (1:24:07 AM): i am dealing with my problems in the open and not feeling sorry for myself and saying the world sucks
Order Focus (1:24:08 AM): no you arten and your leaving boiede s everywherne
Order Focus (1:24:16 AM): don't twll me I am accomplishing nothing
Pamela (1:24:17 AM): i have stopped screwing with boys
Order Focus (1:24:36 AM): don't tell mw I am hurting people
Pamela (1:24:43 AM): eric omg you play board games and sleep all day
Order Focus (1:24:44 AM): don't xcriticize me for the things you do
Order Focus (1:24:48 AM): whaty//
Order Focus (1:25:11 AM): what?
Pamela (1:25:35 AM): what the hell is with this stuff about waste of a human being
Pamela (1:25:36 AM): blah blah
Pamela (1:25:44 AM): everything sucks blah blah
Order Focus (1:25:51 AM): eaht/
Order Focus (1:25:58 AM): I said that after i hurt nikki
Order Focus (1:26:04 AM): because she lashed out and said some things
Order Focus (1:26:11 AM): and then I felt like I had done the right thing
Order Focus (1:26:19 AM): even though I felt really bad for huertng her
Order Focus (1:26:21 AM): and you?
Order Focus (1:26:32 AM): you criticize me when I don't eanrt it
Order Focus (1:26:36 AM): don't need it
Order Focus (1:26:41 AM): tell me I'm a failure
Order Focus (1:26:48 AM): the things you tell me I SHOULDN'T be saying
Pamela (1:26:50 AM): your not a failure
Order Focus (1:26:57 AM): you said I was going noweher,m
Order Focus (1:27:04 AM): news flash? that's a failurte,
Pamela (1:27:05 AM): your just in this hole and you dont seem to come out
Pamela (1:27:15 AM): omg and your an idiot
Pamela (1:27:26 AM): going nowhere and being a failure are two completely diff things
Pamela (1:29:00 AM): and you can criticize me all you want but everything is positive in my life
Pamela (1:29:08 AM): i have reminded myself where i am going
Pamela (1:29:17 AM): i have made new friends and found some new hobbie
Pamela (1:29:19 AM): s
Order Focus (1:29:24 AM): good.,
Order Focus (1:29:26 AM): I am glad.
Pamela (1:29:30 AM): i have dumped some bad habits and dumped some bad people
Order Focus (1:29:32 AM): I know what I want, and I know where I am going
Order Focus (1:29:45 AM): but I haven't been able to find a job
Order Focus (1:29:54 AM): and Ican't work on my car in this weather
Order Focus (1:30:03 AM): and I certainly can't hunt snakes in this weather
Order Focus (1:30:07 AM): so
Order Focus (1:30:16 AM): all I can do is GO NOWHERE fast
Order Focus (1:30:35 AM): would you have said that if I had decided to date nikki?
Order Focus (1:30:39 AM): or would you be proud of me?>
Order Focus (1:30:44 AM): I don't want your criticism.,
Pamela (1:30:50 AM): nikki has nothing to do with this
Order Focus (1:30:53 AM): I have to worry about what my mom thinks
Pamela (1:30:55 AM): i just dont wont you hurting girls
Order Focus (1:31:00 AM): oh really?
Order Focus (1:31:08 AM): weel IO don't want to be hurting girls, EITHER
Order Focus (1:31:15 AM): so that makes two of uS!
Order Focus (1:31:26 AM): but, it isn;'t your business to critize me about this
Order Focus (1:31:30 AM): I did what I felt was right
Order Focus (1:31:34 AM): so I wouldn't hgurt her more
Pamela (1:32:21 AM): omg whatever i dont care
Order Focus (1:33:08 AM): nikki siad her peice
Order Focus (1:33:12 AM): she struck back at me
Order Focus (1:33:17 AM): she said some damned hurtful thingas
Order Focus (1:33:22 AM): and I DESERVED them
Pamela (1:33:24 AM): omg you are dense
Pamela (1:33:26 AM): so dense
Pamela (1:33:29 AM): you miss the whole point
Order Focus (1:33:32 AM): but I don't deserve your attacks
Order Focus (1:33:39 AM): I don't deserve your criticisms
Pamela (1:33:39 AM): you are someone i had to remove from my life
Pamela (1:33:43 AM): you are sooo negative
Pamela (1:33:51 AM): omg just whatever fine
Pamela (1:33:59 AM): we shouldnt talk to each other it just pisses us off
Order Focus (1:34:00 AM): no
Order Focus (1:34:04 AM): I a not so negative!
Pamela (1:34:05 AM): have a good life
Order Focus (1:34:09 AM): i'm not!
Order Focus (1:34:13 AM): goddamnit
Pamela signed off at 1:34:15 AM.
she said I was too negative, and then she said that's why I had to cut you out, have a nice life. I don't know if she meant it, but regardless, I would like to know, how many people think I am negative? other than pamela, of course. I think, the real reason she's cutting me out is that I wasn't buying her bullshit at that moment. I'm tired of it.
Pamela is one of only a couple people that thinks I am negative. People that actually talk to me, that is.
Pamela also criticized me for playing with someone's feelings. Well.. on that, I didn't mean to. I simply decided I couldn't date nikki. now, I understand why nikki would be mad... and i dealt with it with her. poorly, but i did. and then I owned up to the fact that I handled it poorly and like an ass, and I handled it a little better. at this point, I have salvaged it as nicely as I can. but I sure as hell don't deserve criticism from pamela, especialy on something she herself did. at least I was nice about it. from her own mouth, "Russ made me take care of it, maybe I was mean, but it's resolved" (and because RUSSELL has requested that I make this clear, he did this not to be a bad guy but to protect Adam's feelings).
Since I never got the chance to rebuke anything Pamela said well, I will do it here.
and, for the record, pamela's screenname has been removed... so no one will message her and bother her.
Pamela (1:24:43 AM): eric omg you play board games and sleep all day
Order Focus (1:24:44 AM): don't xcriticize me for the things you do
Order Focus (1:24:48 AM): whaty//
Order Focus (1:25:11 AM): what?
Pamela (1:25:35 AM): what the hell is with this stuff about waste of a human being
Pamela (1:25:36 AM): blah blah
Pamela (1:25:44 AM): everything sucks blah blah
actually, things are pretty good. I made a post about being a waste after I told nikki it wouldn't work. I hurt her, and it felt terrible. People generally regret hurting others, I know I do. I hate it. and when I hurt her and told her no, I did feel like a waste and a failure. luckily, I don't generally feel that way, but sometimes people who care regret their actions, especially when they hurt people who are fundamentally good.
Pamela (1:27:05 AM): your just in this hole and you dont seem to come out
Pamela (1:27:15 AM): omg and your an idiot
Pamela (1:27:26 AM): going nowhere and being a failure are two completely diff things
Pamela (1:29:00 AM): and you can criticize me all you want but everything is positive in my life
Pamela (1:29:08 AM): i have reminded myself where i am going
Pamela (1:29:17 AM): i have made new friends and found some new hobbie
Pamela (1:29:19 AM): s
Order Focus (1:29:24 AM): good.,
Order Focus (1:29:26 AM): I am glad.
Pamela (1:29:30 AM): i have dumped some bad habits and dumped some bad people
Order Focus (1:29:32 AM): I know what I want, and I know where I am going
Order Focus (1:29:45 AM): but I haven't been able to find a job
Order Focus (1:29:54 AM): and Ican't work on my car in this weather
Order Focus (1:30:03 AM): and I certainly can't hunt snakes in this weather
Order Focus (1:30:07 AM): so
Order Focus (1:30:16 AM): all I can do is GO NOWHERE fast
she told me previously in this conversation I was going nowhere fast and picking up bad habits. Fine. Currently, I am going nowhere fast. I don't have a job yet, I am not going to school this semester, and all I really can do is go out and get job applications (it seems pamela ignored the fact that I have been doing just that, or maybe she didn't know) and cook here and have friends over. She seems to say I don't know where I am going or I don't know what I want in this conversation. but, since the last fight me and pamela had, we have said more or less nothing. one day she came over and acted like nothing had ever happened ever, and we were good ol' pals again. I guess not. maybe she's mad that I knew, and have proof, that she was lying about something from the previous fight. well, it doesn't matter, I thought it was forgive and forget.
And finally, the last peice of the conversation.
Pamela (1:32:21 AM): omg whatever i dont care
Order Focus (1:33:08 AM): nikki siad her peice
Order Focus (1:33:12 AM): she struck back at me
Order Focus (1:33:17 AM): she said some damned hurtful thingas
Order Focus (1:33:22 AM): and I DESERVED them
Pamela (1:33:24 AM): omg you are dense
Pamela (1:33:26 AM): so dense
Pamela (1:33:29 AM): you miss the whole point
Order Focus (1:33:32 AM): but I don't deserve your attacks
Order Focus (1:33:39 AM): I don't deserve your criticisms
Pamela (1:33:39 AM): you are someone i had to remove from my life
Pamela (1:33:43 AM): you are sooo negative
Pamela (1:33:51 AM): omg just whatever fine
Pamela (1:33:59 AM): we shouldnt talk to each other it just pisses us off
Order Focus (1:34:00 AM): no
Order Focus (1:34:04 AM): I a not so negative!
Pamela (1:34:05 AM): have a good life
Order Focus (1:34:09 AM): i'm not!
Order Focus (1:34:13 AM): goddamnit
Pamela signed off at 1:34:15 AM.
that is probably the worst you will ever see me type, in that conversation. congrats, you get to see it now... and probably never again. I don't really know what to think... it's like the moment I stop buying Pamela's bull shit and stop giving her the attention she wants, I'm done. I'm sorry, but simply discarding someone like that isn't what I'd call a friend. friend's can't simply make that decision, especially because one is "too negative." so maybe we were never friends. not real ones. You have a nice life too, pamela. sorry I was too negative for you.
I apparently edit things and leave things out to make them slant my way. So, here is the ENTIRE conversation. unedited... except for pamela's screenname. If I get accused of having left something out, I'll just post it again, with the screenname included...the timestamps are there, though, and it would have been a lot fo work to edit those. People piss me off so much
Order Focus (1:15:57 AM): hello aghaibn
Order Focus (1:16:01 AM): I thought you wers leepingh
Pamela (1:16:14 AM): nice spelling
Pamela (1:17:17 AM): no job yet
Order Focus (1:18:59 AM): ?
Order Focus (1:19:04 AM): I htougth you werse leeping
Order Focus (1:19:06 AM): no
Order Focus (1:19:08 AM): no job heyt
Pamela (1:19:16 AM): haha no not sleeping yet
Pamela (1:19:38 AM): you need to get a job
Order Focus (1:20:37 AM): th\\\really?
Order Focus (1:20:38 AM): I know
Order Focus (1:20:39 AM): that!
Order Focus (1:20:51 AM): what's your posuit/ I know h|I need a hob
Pamela (1:20:52 AM): just reminding you
Order Focus (1:20:52 AM): job
Pamela (1:21:26 AM): OMG type better
Pamela (1:21:31 AM): i am slow to begin with
Pamela (1:21:33 AM): you are killing me
Order Focus (1:21:34 AM): OMG I cant
Order Focus (1:21:38 AM): sdow?
Order Focus (1:21:40 AM): slow to toypE/
Order Focus (1:21:44 AM): WHAT ARE YOU TALKIGN ABOUT
Order Focus (1:21:57 AM): vanilla vodka dammit
Order Focus (1:22:00 AM): slow thinkge/
Pamela (1:22:16 AM): eric i dont think you need to drink
Pamela (1:22:25 AM): you are like really freakin me out her lately man
Order Focus (1:22:39 AM): ?
Order Focus (1:22:40 AM): what?
Order Focus (1:22:45 AM): I'm freaking you OT/
Order Focus (1:22:47 AM): how is that???!?!?
Pamela (1:22:56 AM): your going nowhere fast
Pamela (1:23:05 AM): and to add to it you are picking up bad behaviors
Order Focus (1:23:34 AM): oh really?
Order Focus (1:23:36 AM): liek yuo!
'
Pamela (1:23:48 AM): i am going somewhere
Pamela (1:23:53 AM): i am working my ass off
Pamela (1:24:07 AM): i am dealing with my problems in the open and not feeling sorry for myself and saying the world sucks
Order Focus (1:24:08 AM): no you arten and your leaving boiede s everywherne
Order Focus (1:24:16 AM): don't twll me I am accomplishing nothing
Pamela (1:24:17 AM): i have stopped screwing with boys
Order Focus (1:24:36 AM): don't tell mw I am hurting people
Pamela (1:24:43 AM): eric omg you play board games and sleep all day
Order Focus (1:24:44 AM): don't xcriticize me for the things you do
Order Focus (1:24:48 AM): whaty//
Order Focus (1:25:11 AM): what?
Pamela (1:25:35 AM): what the hell is with this stuff about waste of a human being
Pamela (1:25:36 AM): blah blah
Pamela (1:25:44 AM): everything sucks blah blah
Order Focus (1:25:51 AM): eaht/
Order Focus (1:25:58 AM): I said that after i hurt nikki
Order Focus (1:26:04 AM): because she lashed out and said some things
Order Focus (1:26:11 AM): and then I felt like I had done the right thing
Order Focus (1:26:19 AM): even though I felt really bad for huertng her
Order Focus (1:26:21 AM): and you?
Order Focus (1:26:32 AM): you criticize me when I don't eanrt it
Order Focus (1:26:36 AM): don't need it
Order Focus (1:26:41 AM): tell me I'm a failure
Order Focus (1:26:48 AM): the things you tell me I SHOULDN'T be saying
Pamela (1:26:50 AM): your not a failure
Order Focus (1:26:57 AM): you said I was going noweher,m
Order Focus (1:27:04 AM): news flash? that's a failurte,
Pamela (1:27:05 AM): your just in this hole and you dont seem to come out
Pamela (1:27:15 AM): omg and your an idiot
Pamela (1:27:26 AM): going nowhere and being a failure are two completely diff things
Pamela (1:29:00 AM): and you can criticize me all you want but everything is positive in my life
Pamela (1:29:08 AM): i have reminded myself where i am going
Pamela (1:29:17 AM): i have made new friends and found some new hobbie
Pamela (1:29:19 AM): s
Order Focus (1:29:24 AM): good.,
Order Focus (1:29:26 AM): I am glad.
Pamela (1:29:30 AM): i have dumped some bad habits and dumped some bad people
Order Focus (1:29:32 AM): I know what I want, and I know where I am going
Order Focus (1:29:45 AM): but I haven't been able to find a job
Order Focus (1:29:54 AM): and Ican't work on my car in this weather
Order Focus (1:30:03 AM): and I certainly can't hunt snakes in this weather
Order Focus (1:30:07 AM): so
Order Focus (1:30:16 AM): all I can do is GO NOWHERE fast
Order Focus (1:30:35 AM): would you have said that if I had decided to date nikki?
Order Focus (1:30:39 AM): or would you be proud of me?>
Order Focus (1:30:44 AM): I don't want your criticism.,
Pamela (1:30:50 AM): nikki has nothing to do with this
Order Focus (1:30:53 AM): I have to worry about what my mom thinks
Pamela (1:30:55 AM): i just dont wont you hurting girls
Order Focus (1:31:00 AM): oh really?
Order Focus (1:31:08 AM): weel IO don't want to be hurting girls, EITHER
Order Focus (1:31:15 AM): so that makes two of uS!
Order Focus (1:31:26 AM): but, it isn;'t your business to critize me about this
Order Focus (1:31:30 AM): I did what I felt was right
Order Focus (1:31:34 AM): so I wouldn't hgurt her more
Pamela (1:32:21 AM): omg whatever i dont care
Order Focus (1:33:08 AM): nikki siad her peice
Order Focus (1:33:12 AM): she struck back at me
Order Focus (1:33:17 AM): she said some damned hurtful thingas
Order Focus (1:33:22 AM): and I DESERVED them
Pamela (1:33:24 AM): omg you are dense
Pamela (1:33:26 AM): so dense
Pamela (1:33:29 AM): you miss the whole point
Order Focus (1:33:32 AM): but I don't deserve your attacks
Order Focus (1:33:39 AM): I don't deserve your criticisms
Pamela (1:33:39 AM): you are someone i had to remove from my life
Pamela (1:33:43 AM): you are sooo negative
Pamela (1:33:51 AM): omg just whatever fine
Pamela (1:33:59 AM): we shouldnt talk to each other it just pisses us off
Order Focus (1:34:00 AM): no
Order Focus (1:34:04 AM): I a not so negative!
Pamela (1:34:05 AM): have a good life
Order Focus (1:34:09 AM): i'm not!
Order Focus (1:34:13 AM): goddamnit
Pamela signed off at 1:34:15 AM.
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