Dec 4, 2003
CHAPTER (currently) 5
There was a sound from outside. I opened my eyes and started to move out of my sleeping bag. It was completely silent, even the sound of the fire was gone. I looked down at Saryn and Finder. They were completely still. The light bleeding from Saryn's eyes seemed frozen, like a dirty cobweb clinging in the air that no one had bothered to clear out. I ran my hands through it, and it shattered. I could feel the echo move through me, through the night.
I knew I was dreaming.
I was drawn outward, towards the source of whatever had awoken me.
There was a man outside, standing next to the fire. The fire was still, giving off an orange glow. not as if stopped, more like it had been frozen. The man was wrapped in shadows. I couldn't see his face, his hands, his body, but I knew he was a man.
"Who are you?" I asked. The night trembled at my sudden voice.
No need to use words, The man said. What you say only serves to cloud meaning.
Allright. I have never talked this way, I'll have to get used to it.
I got the distinct impresion that he was scoffing at me. He seemed to throw part of the shadows behind him, as if a cloak had fallen in front of him. But they didn't really move. They were dancing, whispering.
You should. it will be more useful than you could know in the conflict to come.
I reached a hand towards the fire. It was cold. I broke a peice off and held it. Where am I? I asked.
There is no here where you are. There isn't even a time. You're in a "slippery" spot. The closest I could come to "here" is stopped. You are stopped.
I didn't have a repy. I was trying to grasp the idea he was presenting to me.
He waved his hand impatiently. Every time you have one of your visions, and you seem to go somewhere else, you ARE somewhere else. Time has no meaning to you, place, also, has little meaning to you.
I put the peice of the fire in my pocket. I wondered if it would be useful.
The shadow man seemed amused.
Wait, I asked. You mean when I had the vision of the little girl- he interrupted me. Yes, those were actually real. Saryn will doubtfully remember, but if you ask Finder and Saryn, they will say that from the start you have been Spiech.
I moved an arm through the air, it offered a little bit of resistance, like it didn't want to move. Then why don't I remember being named earlier, too?
Shadowman snorted. Because the current "you" experienced the "slip," not a younger one. but the younger Saryn really had that experience.
I thought for a moment. But that would seem to imply some sort of paradox. If I didn't know my name until now, how will I have allready told them? and why haven't they called me by it yet?
He looked at me. Just looked at me. I could feel the shadows laughing. It seems to imply a paradox. I don't think there is any way I could explain it without there being some form of paradox. Did you consider that maybe you had known, but couldn't remember? or that maybe that they just knew? Time has little relavance to you, in some ways. Everyone around you, however, has to follow the rules. They live their normal lives, experiencing events as they have happened. You don't. Also, you don't have all the answers, and you never will.
I thought about the fact that I couldn't remember my childhood. I wondered if I had "lived" it yet. The shadow just nodded.
I started, the realization of what he was saying about time hitting me.
No, he said. You can't alter time. there is no change- there just is. everything that happens has already, and everything that will happen is past. You just live it differently. Unfortunately, you can't control it, and probably never will be able to.
I looked away from the shadows, knowing that they were somehow mine. Why?
I could tell he was looking at me, weighing me, trying to see something.
Because the cost is too high, he said.
WHo are you? I asked.
He looked at me. the shadows crawled around him, some living nightmare. I wasn't afraid. You already know, he said.
I woke with a start. There was a sudden poof from my pocket as the frozen flame died suddenly. The sound woke Finder up. "What was that?" he whispered.
I reached my hand in my pocket. I could feel something there. I pulled it out. It was a crystal about the size of a double A battery. It glowed and danced as fire did.
Finder jerked upright. His hand was next to mine, and he had it palm open. I wondered how he moved so fast. "Wait," he said. "I don't need that." He pointed at Saryn. "She does."
I looked down at the sleeping girl. "Do you know why?"
He shrugged. "I never know until the time is right," he said. "Maybe she'll know."
I looked directly at Finder, his eyes met mine.
Maybe she will, I stated.
Mentally he jerked back. He didn't move. Then he seemed to relax. "Can you control that?" He asked.
A little bit, I'm working on it. I got out.
Finder looked at me. He wanted to ask where I got the crystal. I held up my hand to stall him. He looked at me. You knew what I was going to ask, He thought.
I nodded. He grinned. I felt tired.
"I got it from a dream," I said.
He raised an eyebrow, and looked at me sideways. He had a lighter and a cigarette in his hand, and he was starting to get up. "Knowing you, anything's possible. I think I'd believe it if you said you had a conversation with my great-great-grandfather."
I jerked. He raised the other eyebrow. He wanted to whistle, but forced himself to stop. I winced at the thing that never was but should have been.
He turned his head towards the tent door, and then back to me. Back to the tent door again.
"i'm going out for awhile," he said.
I just nodded. beside me, Saryn rolled over, snuggling deeper into her bag. For once, I couldn't feel the scratching in my head at all.
There was a sound from outside. I opened my eyes and started to move out of my sleeping bag. It was completely silent, even the sound of the fire was gone. I looked down at Saryn and Finder. They were completely still. The light bleeding from Saryn's eyes seemed frozen, like a dirty cobweb clinging in the air that no one had bothered to clear out. I ran my hands through it, and it shattered. I could feel the echo move through me, through the night.
I knew I was dreaming.
I was drawn outward, towards the source of whatever had awoken me.
There was a man outside, standing next to the fire. The fire was still, giving off an orange glow. not as if stopped, more like it had been frozen. The man was wrapped in shadows. I couldn't see his face, his hands, his body, but I knew he was a man.
"Who are you?" I asked. The night trembled at my sudden voice.
No need to use words, The man said. What you say only serves to cloud meaning.
Allright. I have never talked this way, I'll have to get used to it.
I got the distinct impresion that he was scoffing at me. He seemed to throw part of the shadows behind him, as if a cloak had fallen in front of him. But they didn't really move. They were dancing, whispering.
You should. it will be more useful than you could know in the conflict to come.
I reached a hand towards the fire. It was cold. I broke a peice off and held it. Where am I? I asked.
There is no here where you are. There isn't even a time. You're in a "slippery" spot. The closest I could come to "here" is stopped. You are stopped.
I didn't have a repy. I was trying to grasp the idea he was presenting to me.
He waved his hand impatiently. Every time you have one of your visions, and you seem to go somewhere else, you ARE somewhere else. Time has no meaning to you, place, also, has little meaning to you.
I put the peice of the fire in my pocket. I wondered if it would be useful.
The shadow man seemed amused.
Wait, I asked. You mean when I had the vision of the little girl- he interrupted me. Yes, those were actually real. Saryn will doubtfully remember, but if you ask Finder and Saryn, they will say that from the start you have been Spiech.
I moved an arm through the air, it offered a little bit of resistance, like it didn't want to move. Then why don't I remember being named earlier, too?
Shadowman snorted. Because the current "you" experienced the "slip," not a younger one. but the younger Saryn really had that experience.
I thought for a moment. But that would seem to imply some sort of paradox. If I didn't know my name until now, how will I have allready told them? and why haven't they called me by it yet?
He looked at me. Just looked at me. I could feel the shadows laughing. It seems to imply a paradox. I don't think there is any way I could explain it without there being some form of paradox. Did you consider that maybe you had known, but couldn't remember? or that maybe that they just knew? Time has little relavance to you, in some ways. Everyone around you, however, has to follow the rules. They live their normal lives, experiencing events as they have happened. You don't. Also, you don't have all the answers, and you never will.
I thought about the fact that I couldn't remember my childhood. I wondered if I had "lived" it yet. The shadow just nodded.
I started, the realization of what he was saying about time hitting me.
No, he said. You can't alter time. there is no change- there just is. everything that happens has already, and everything that will happen is past. You just live it differently. Unfortunately, you can't control it, and probably never will be able to.
I looked away from the shadows, knowing that they were somehow mine. Why?
I could tell he was looking at me, weighing me, trying to see something.
Because the cost is too high, he said.
WHo are you? I asked.
He looked at me. the shadows crawled around him, some living nightmare. I wasn't afraid. You already know, he said.
I woke with a start. There was a sudden poof from my pocket as the frozen flame died suddenly. The sound woke Finder up. "What was that?" he whispered.
I reached my hand in my pocket. I could feel something there. I pulled it out. It was a crystal about the size of a double A battery. It glowed and danced as fire did.
Finder jerked upright. His hand was next to mine, and he had it palm open. I wondered how he moved so fast. "Wait," he said. "I don't need that." He pointed at Saryn. "She does."
I looked down at the sleeping girl. "Do you know why?"
He shrugged. "I never know until the time is right," he said. "Maybe she'll know."
I looked directly at Finder, his eyes met mine.
Maybe she will, I stated.
Mentally he jerked back. He didn't move. Then he seemed to relax. "Can you control that?" He asked.
A little bit, I'm working on it. I got out.
Finder looked at me. He wanted to ask where I got the crystal. I held up my hand to stall him. He looked at me. You knew what I was going to ask, He thought.
I nodded. He grinned. I felt tired.
"I got it from a dream," I said.
He raised an eyebrow, and looked at me sideways. He had a lighter and a cigarette in his hand, and he was starting to get up. "Knowing you, anything's possible. I think I'd believe it if you said you had a conversation with my great-great-grandfather."
I jerked. He raised the other eyebrow. He wanted to whistle, but forced himself to stop. I winced at the thing that never was but should have been.
He turned his head towards the tent door, and then back to me. Back to the tent door again.
"i'm going out for awhile," he said.
I just nodded. beside me, Saryn rolled over, snuggling deeper into her bag. For once, I couldn't feel the scratching in my head at all.
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