Jan 31, 2006
Apologetics.
There are two specific kinds of Apologies.
Type I apologies are when a person says "I'm sorry," and they mean they're sorry for upsetting someone because of how it effects themselves, and not how it effects the other person. "I'm sorry (that you're mad at me bacause now you're unreasonable and I can't deal with you and it isn't fair to me!), but not really."
Type I apologies are most likely the most common, as it takes some people a long time to discern the difference between being sorry for something because it makes themselves miserable versus how it affects others. Children frequently use Type I apologies- A child breaks something she or he has been told not to play with, and they are now grounded. "I'm sorry!" they scream. They are not sorry that they hurt their parents feelings, they are sorry that they are now grounded.
Type II apologies are when a person truly realizes that they have done something to upset someone else, and, instead of looking at how it effects themselves (which is, of course, the most common reaction- we are by nature selfish creatures), they look at how it effects the other person. These apologies are heartfelt- "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I didn't mean to and I feel bad." Or something to that effect.
There is a third type of "I'm sorry," but this is not an apology at all. For instance: "I'm sorry you can't handle the fact that I want to read until the morning hours. It's my decision, and I won't change." this isn't an apology at all, and although it uses the phrase "I'm sorry," should not be taken (and is not intended) as an apology. It is, in fact, a (possibly impolite) way of noting that someone else does not accept, or cannot handle, a decision on your part, and [the person making the observation] finds that (possibly) unreasonable. "I'm sorry you don't like the dog. It's staying." Not an apology, not trying to be one.
Type I apologies are when a person says "I'm sorry," and they mean they're sorry for upsetting someone because of how it effects themselves, and not how it effects the other person. "I'm sorry (that you're mad at me bacause now you're unreasonable and I can't deal with you and it isn't fair to me!), but not really."
Type I apologies are most likely the most common, as it takes some people a long time to discern the difference between being sorry for something because it makes themselves miserable versus how it affects others. Children frequently use Type I apologies- A child breaks something she or he has been told not to play with, and they are now grounded. "I'm sorry!" they scream. They are not sorry that they hurt their parents feelings, they are sorry that they are now grounded.
Type II apologies are when a person truly realizes that they have done something to upset someone else, and, instead of looking at how it effects themselves (which is, of course, the most common reaction- we are by nature selfish creatures), they look at how it effects the other person. These apologies are heartfelt- "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I didn't mean to and I feel bad." Or something to that effect.
There is a third type of "I'm sorry," but this is not an apology at all. For instance: "I'm sorry you can't handle the fact that I want to read until the morning hours. It's my decision, and I won't change." this isn't an apology at all, and although it uses the phrase "I'm sorry," should not be taken (and is not intended) as an apology. It is, in fact, a (possibly impolite) way of noting that someone else does not accept, or cannot handle, a decision on your part, and [the person making the observation] finds that (possibly) unreasonable. "I'm sorry you don't like the dog. It's staying." Not an apology, not trying to be one.
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